Just The Strings (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 39

#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 39

Sabi nila, the best way to gain forgiveness is to truly repent for what you have done and promise to never do it again... And I was done with that part. Kahit kaya may pasok ako at medyo inaantok pa ako dahil tinuruan ko sina Finley sa lessons nila dahil ayaw nilang pakinggan iyong tutor nila, pinilit ko pa rin na maabutan iyong 5 a.m. mass. Pagkatapos nun, I asked for penance. Nangumpisal din ako. Basta, I poured it out na. Medyo nahihiya nga ako kay Father kasi baka akala niya iniisip ko na love doctor siya kasi puro si Saint ang binabanggit ko.

Pagkatapos nun pumasok muna ako sa school para sa first class ko. Dumiretso naman ako sa supermarket pagkatapos. Since tapos na ako na humingi ng forgiveness kay Lord dahil sa pagiging one-sided ko, si Saint naman ang aasikasuhin ko. Finally, na-appreciate ko na rin iyong paglalagay niya ng schedule niya sa phone ko dahil alam ko kung ano'ng oras ko siya pupuntahan. And I didn't want to come empty-handed so I would cook for him.

And maybe for his brothers, too, because I knew I messed up big time. I pushed him away when all he had done was to understand me. I pushed him because I was afraid of my own feelings. I didn't like seeing him with Dani... kasi naaalala ko si Cindy.

Paano kung...

No.

Ayokong isipin.

Nagfocus na lang ako sa ginagawa ko. Bago ako pumunta sa supermarket, nagtext muna ako kay Cohen para itanong kung ano ang paboritong pagkain ni Saint. It was a little weird that after all the months we spent together, ni paborito niyang pagkain ay hindi ko alam. I felt really guilty so I promised that once we're good again, I'd do everything to know every detail there's to know. Kahit gaano pa kaliit, basta tungkol kay Saint, aalamin ko. It's only fair that I do that dahil si Saint, lahat yata alam niya sa akin.

According to Cohen, Saint liked anything pasta. He's a pasta freak, sabi ni Cohen. So I decided to cook Pasta Alfredo for him. Mukha naman siyang madaling iluto. Magbe-bake din ako ng brownies. Sayang nga at wala si Mama, e. She loved baking.

I was pushing the cart when I saw Kuya Jackson... and Liza.

Bigla akong napahinto sa pagtulak at napa-tirik na lang sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Nung huling usap namin ni Liza, it wasn't really pleasant. I just learned that Kuya Jackson and Ate Jas broke up tapos she's already hanging out way too much with Kuya Jackson... Ayaw ko namang makielam but at the same time, naaawa ako kay Ate Jas. They're all my friends and I didn't know where to put myself in.

Kaya tumalikod ako. Kasi ayoko na may masabi na naman ako. Because words, once said, can never be taken back. Nandyan na 'yan. Pinakawalan mo na. And no matter how you apologize for what you have said, the fact remains that you meant every word... That those harsh words are your pure, unadulterated thoughts... And that spoke a lot.

"Imo."

Napa-hinto ako nung maramdaman ko iyong kamay ni Kuya Jackson sa balikat ko.

"Hey," he said.

"Po?"

"Bakit ka tumalikod?" he asked. Hindi yata nasabi sa kanya ni Liza iyong usapan namin.

"Ah... nagmamadali lang po kasi ako."

"Really?"

I looked him in the eye and I saw that he saw through me. I grew up around him. Alam ko na kilala ako ni Kuya Jackson kahit hindi kami madalas mag-usap... and it bugged me that he did that. I looked up to him so much. Kaya kung niloko niya si Ate Jas, I didn't think I could ever look him the same way again. Kasi cheating is cheating. There are no gray areas. Once you commit yourself to someone, remain faithful or at least, give the audacity to break off the commitment. Hindi iyong bigla ka na lang magloloko. That's foul.