Dangerous - Jasper Hale

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Alex lext school alone that afternoon, needing some time for herself. She got home and instantly walked up the stairs, throwing herself on her bed the moment she got inside her room. She felt tired just thinking of what day it was, and what was to come the next day. 

The day after would be the two-year anniversary of Richard's passing. She sunk into her pillow, looking into thin air while thinking furiously.

She felt ashamed as she thought of the fact that she hadn't actually thought about him for quite some time, that being the reason she was so surprised when she saw the date. She felt as if her lungs closed and breathing grew harder, her hands started to tremble and her pulse went up instantly. She was having a minor anxiety-attack, which had happened more frequently the last few weeks. It often happened when she found she'd no control over things, or when time was moving too fast.

Thoughts were clouding her mind as the blurry image of her late friend was nailed into her mind, his smile both warming her up and making her freeze completely at the same time. "It's been more than a year, you should probably try to move on," is one of the sayings she'd heard far too many times. Yes, it was a long time, but she'd have to live with that sorrow the rest of her life. Even though the boy occupied her mind less and less frequently, there was still pain associated with his name, causing these kinds of reactions more often than not when she thought of him.

The door to her room, that was half-open, was pushed open entirely. Josh peeked inside, before widening his eyes and half-running over to Alex who felt her eyes getting slightly damp.

"Josh, it's fine. I-I'm just having an anxiety attack," Alex said while panting slightly since she couldn't get air into her lungs completely. Josh shook his head, kneeling next to his sister.

"Hey, Alex, listen to me. Relax and think about- think about that time we went to North Dakota with mum and dad and you and I went to the aquarium together," Josh said, holding Alex's trembling hand in his own. He knew how to handle these situations by now, it wasn't the first time she'd gotten this kind of attack. Alex closed her eyes and thought about exactly what he was saying.

She remembered vividly this vacation 8 or so years ago. They'd lived in a small hotel-room together in the middle of North Dakota, and after a lot of complaining and whining their parents had agreed for the two of them to go to the aquarium. Petunia had driven them there and dropped them off, promising to be back in an hour. Josh and Alex had such a good time there that they didn't want to go home after.

Alex smiled slightly as she thought about it, her brother was one of the most important persons in her life by far. He'd always been there and taken care of her, even now when Alex was 18 years old he was there by her side.

"You're having an attack, but you will be okay if you just let yourselfbreathe," Josh murmured, Alex already feeling her pulse going down. A tear rolled down her cheek when she opened her eyes again, her breathing going slower and deeper. Josh looked at her with slightly wide eyes, trying to figure out if his sister was fine or not. Her lips quirked up slightly at the ends, making Josh release a breath she hadn't realized he'd held. She slung her arms around her brother, he was slightly taken back by her sudden change but quickly hugged her back.

"Thank you Josh," Alex said, making her brother smile. She could hear him chuckling slightly.

"It's nothing Alex. You're the most important person in my life, I'll always be right here," he said, making her eyes let out more water-drops as she heard his voice. She was touched by her brother's words, she already knew she was important to him but when he said what he did she felt nothing but love and admiration for him.

Josh then pushed back slightly, looking at her red face. "So, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

Alex sighed, before nodding towards her brother. "It's been two years since Richard tomorrow, I don't know why I freaked out so bad, I guess it's because of the fact that I just realized that he's been gone for so long and I haven't even thought about it lately. I'm ashamed, I'm supposed to be his best friend, and I don't even remember his face clearly."

Josh looked at his sister with a stern look on his face. "You can't blame yourself for not remembering his face clearly. It's been two years and sure, that's a long time, but pain is personal. If someone tells you to get over it already, they don't know pain. You were his best friend Alex, and you meant so much to him," Josh spoke, making Alex furrow her eyebrows as a single tear left her eye.

"I just wish there was more to his story than a tragic ending that he didn't deserve," Alex said, as she thought of the tragic end of the boy that had been her world back in the days.

"There is, because of you and Tom. You both speak so well of him, tell people how amazing he was, and he really was all that. So, there is more to him, since more and more people remember him without ever meeting him. I know it sounds stupid, but he didn't stop existing two years ago, he's still where he's needed," Josh said, making Alex smile bitter-sweetly at the cliché saying but she knew he was right.

"I love you Josh," Alex said, feeling exactly what she was saying in every part of her body. He was the person who formed her into the one she was, more than her parents, Jasper and anyone else. She knew he'd always be there, and that was enough to keep her going. Josh smiled, before nodding.

"I love you too little sister."

o

Alex met up with Tom an hour later. He, too, had completely pushed away the fact that it was time for Richard's anniversary. When she'd told him about this over phone, he'd grown completely silent, before asking her to meet him in town later, to prepare for the day after. Alex agreed, before getting ready and informing Josh that she'd need a ride to Port Angeles. He'd agreed without questions.

Now, Tom and Alex were standing outside a small flower-store, hugging each other tightly. Alex could hear that Tom was sobbing slightly, he'd always been very sensitive and especially when it came to his lost friend. They'd convinced themselves that they were fine for so long, so when they finally relied on each other for support, they broke down completely. Alex at least had Josh, but Tom didn't have anyone else than her and their other friends. He'd always had difficulty communicating with his family, so he never actually talked to them about anything else than the superficial things.

They silently entered the store, looking through the shelfs and lockers. Richard had many friends when he lived, but not many of them were close. Except for Alex and Tom, Devon and Richard's older sister Megan and his father were probably the only ones. His mother had died when the boy was 9, due to leukemia. This meant that not many people actually came over to his grave to leave flowers and light candles, making the two friends feel a certain responsibility for this.

A few grave-candles were put in their basket, together with a very fitting marble-decorations picturing a tortoise. The late boy had always loved them, Alex smiled at the memory. She looked over at Tom who'd picked out his own flowers. A white carnation, a zinnia and a pink rose. Tom had always been one for symbolism, so she knew every one of these had a thought behind them. Alex though chose to go with daisies. It was the only flower she could see in front of her when she thought of his wide smile and playful ways.

The two of them payed for their things, before heading outside towards the bus stop. When they were seated on the bus taking them back to Forks, Alex leaned her head against Tom's shoulder, before closing her eyes, letting everything around her happen without her. She was tired and scared, and all she needed now was someone.

Anyone.

Jasper.