Everglow

August 26, 2016: I'll take you back to the start

Richard groaned as he awoke, feeling the soft yet ironically cold sheets that covered him. He was surrounded in darkness, save for that small ray of light peeking through his heavy curtains.

But he kept his eyes closed.

He knew he was back in the present--he remembered Jerald berating him about having to drag him to his own bed after driving him home.

Yet, he kept his eyes closed.

Is it so bad to wish I was going to relive some other day?

Did I just dream everything?

Impossible. It seemed too real. It can't all be a dream.

He let his eyes flutter open and stared at the ceiling blankly.

Richard knew the extent to which he was able to change the course of things. They weren't this close to being a real couple before his second chance. He wishes that despite the date, something has changed, that it all wasn't just a dream, that Maine would remember each and every day he relived and changed.

He sat up slowly, in an attempt to avoid vertigo--he was having the worst hangover ever.

But things are the same. Nothing changed.

She's still with Carlo.

And I still love her.

After everything, nothing changed.

He lets out a loud, frustrated groan. Totally out of character, he throws his pillows towards the door in annoyance. Only then did he notice tears streaming down his face.

What good did this do to me? To her? When she probably won't even remember the things I changed?

Is this some cruel way of telling me how I wasted all these years? Alam ko na yun, noon pa.

This fucking situation only made me love her even more. Made me regret everything more. Letting her go now hurt twice as much.

He stares at nothing for a few minutes or so, a million things running through his head. He remembered each and everyday he relived, and realized that in some twisted way he should be thankful. Regardless of the fact that nothing changed, he was given the chance to love her. To be able to show her everything he suppressed the first time around.

He sighs in defeat and finally drags himself out of bed. He walks to his bathroom, splashes cold water on his face, "If this is my karma for being so stupid all these years, then I'll take it. Basta masaya siya."

*******

Maine has been on the edge the whole day. She has been trying to contact Richard for the past three hours. His mobile phone was turned off so she tried to call him at home--yet no one was answering.

Last night. I need to talk to Richard about what he said last night.

Did he mean those things?

She was sure he heard him right, she heard everything he had to say.

Why can't I get that off my mind?! It shouldn't matter. I'm with Carlo now, and I'm really happy. This shouldn't be affecting me as much as it is, right?

She recalls how the night before she heard Richard confess everything she had always wanted to hear from him. Each and every word he uttered tugged at her heart, and when he kissed her good night and left, she found her face wet with tears.

She wasn't supposed to be crying. Why did every word he said suddenly hurt her?

No. It's impossible. Richard couldn't possibly love me? Not after... I probably misheard him? Maybe he had too much to drink? Maybe I had too much to drink?