Twisted Strings [MONSTER EDITING - Read at your own risk]

Hymns for Reckless Hearts

I exhaled and wished myself luck, I was going to apologize and convince him no matter what. Taking small steps I reached near him and stood rooted to the spot. I wanted to speak but my voice was lost somewhere and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. My earlier resolve almost vanished when Oliver sensed that some creep was standing behind him and staring aimlessly at his back and turned around with an ugly scowl that still managed to make him look handsome.

‘’Don’t tell me you’re spying on me again?’’

That was definitely not what I expected him to say; I cleared my throat feeling all awkward again, ‘’I told you already-‘’

‘’That you weren’t spying.’’ Silence followed that and he gave me a long intense look that made me want to cower and hide behind the nearest tree.

‘’So I assumed you’re not here to sing me carols are you?’’ He asked me,

‘’I – I don’t know what to say,’’ I muttered,

‘’Sorry would be enough Violet.’’ Oliver voice held so many things, anger, relief, accusation and … hurt. I bit my lip as it began to quiver, while coming here I was so determined and all but now when he was the one confronting me like this I couldn’t stop myself and a sob escaped my lips.

‘’I-I’m so s-sorry!’’ I said whilst crying at same time, ‘’I-I was scared! I t-thought if I trust you again I would be hurt. I would loose my friends…I so sorry for doubting you.’’ I sniffed and he looked away, his hold on the railing tightened so much that his knuckles turned white,

‘’What do you want me to do?’’ He asked,

‘’I want you to forgive me.’’ I said simply, with tears running down my cheeks and my hand clenched together,

‘’I have been running for a long time Violet, from people, from feelings from anyone I could grow to care for…you broke that resolve, at first you were like some plain girl with clumsy steps and gibberish speech, but you were someone else. You made me want to know you.’’ He raked a hand through his hair and gave me a hard look, ‘’at last I opened myself to you, I told you things no one knows, I even changed myself for you! You didn’t even give me a chance to explain.’’

‘’I –‘’

‘’You said you love me right? Love isn’t just going on dates, kissing and holding hands, love needs friendship and friendship needs trust. You didn’t trust me.’’ He completed, I felt my heart racing in my ribs and my nerves alive with anxiety. It was that single moment I decided that this was it. I had to explain to him, while if he forgives me or not, it didn’t matter much.

‘’I am so sorry! I know I was wrong, more than I could ever be. But I can’t lose you, I love you so much Oliver Parker, you are the best music to my ears, I want to spent my life with you – I know it sounds like some childish or teenage dream – it’s not. I imagine myself with you, I day dream about you…I can’t give that place to anyone else. I won’t blame you if you don’t ever want to see  my face again, but I’ll keep loving you.’’

Oliver expression changed so suddenly, he looked away for a single moment with an expression of pain on his face, and at that moment he looked so fragile, so breakable that it hurt my heart.

‘’You won’t give up on me?’’ he asked surprising me,

I wiped my cheeks, ‘’I once said to you that I feel like I would drown in an ocean of cold water and no one would rescue me, do you remember? I didn’t trust you because I am human, I can make mistakes. I can love you but I can’t give you perfection. I beg you one last time – I don’t care about ego or dignity or whatever – I just beg you to forgive me. I want you to give me a little place in your heart. I know I am being selfish but lets say that if I ever drown in an ocean of cold water, I would always wait you to save me  - I promise to trust you that much.’’ I said it all at once, my voice was scratchy but it all came directly from my heart, like it does when I am singing,