sightless.

33: Confusion

"My man!" J laughed.  "Look at you, Howard!  We'll ruin you yet."

"We're not ruining anyone, J."

"No.  WE are not.  I am."  He continued his laughing, and she could hear Freddy's giggling.  At least one of us isn't shaken to our cores.

"I'm sorry for everything, Howard.  I know you were thrown into this situation.  Thank you for your help."

J didn't wait for Howard to reply, he just gently tugged her with an arm around her waist again.  He led them to his bedroom.  Once they were inside the safety of his room, he turned towards her and looked down.  "I'm sorry, Amelia.  Are you ok?"  He looked so genuinely upset that she could feel the zing all the way to her heart.

"I'm ok."  She stretched out her arms and hugged him.  She hugged him tight.  He was there and everything would be fine in the world again.  She just wished for once she was telling the truth to herself.  He could keep them safe when he was around, but when he wasn't, the world was conspiring against her and her two little ones.  "I was scared.  I didn't know what was going on."

"It's that fucker that took you and Freddy.  He's angry."

"I thought you killed them all."

"Not the boss.  I will.  But not immediately.  I can't wait to play with him."  His voice turned sadistic.  It was frightening and comforting at the same time.

"Play with me?" Freddy added his two cents.

"Yes.  We will play later."  J looked down at Amy and winked.

"Is the baby ok?  What happened?"

"Yea.  The baby is ok.  I didn't fall or anything.  That goon of yours slapped me and dragged me around by my fucking hair.  You really have to beef up your hiring process."  His laugh was unmistakable.  He enjoyed when she showed her dark humor.  "And he dragged Freddy around.  I scratched him really bad, and that's why he hit me.  But I didn't want him touching Freddy."

"I will hire better, kitten."

She heard a knock on the door and J set Freddy down on his feet.  He went to the door, and she heard, "The ice for Mistress Amelia's face.  I really hope that wasn't you, Mister J."  She really did adore Howard.

"It wasn't me."  J slammed the door in Howard's face and came over to her with an icepack.  He gently touched it to her cheek and held her other cheek in his other hand.  "I'm sorry, Amelia.  I'll get that fucker.  I'll kill everyone if I have to.  You don't need to be afraid."  She heard Freddy climb up on the bed behind her to jump up and down.  He deals with his stress in strange ways that kid.  I guess being traumatized constantly will do that to a kid.  She could hear his giggling.

"I'll just feel better when he's gone.  I'm scared.  I don't want anything to happen to the little ones."

"I'll keep you as safe as I can.  I promise."  She could feel herself breaking inside.  He wanted to promise her the world.  He couldn't.  She was lost, and she was confused.  She had two lives depending on her now.  She wasn't supposed to feel safe with the Joker.  She shouldn't want to make a relationship work with the Joker.  Do I want to make a relationship work with the Joker?  Oh my God, Amelia!  Seriously?

"Stop making promises.  You're the Joker.  You don't make promises.  You aren't supposed to want to keep me and the little ones safe.  You aren't supposed to be our hero.  You aren't supposed to want this child.  You're supposed to terrorize us all.  You're supposed to be cruel towards us.  You aren't supposed to comfort us and run to us and hug us and hold us and clothe us and play with us.  Why are you doing this?"  She could feel the tiniest cracks in her façade growing larger by the second.  This wasn't supposed to be how the story goes.  This isn't some fairytale that she had when she was blind.  She wasn't supposed to get shot at and run to the Joker.

"Amelia, everything's ok now.  Stop it."  She could tell he had no idea how to deal with the outburst that was sure to come.  He was as lost as her.  Maybe he was just as confused about his feelings as I am?  Maybe he knows all this already and is still acting like our hero?  Maybe he wants to be our hero?

She was shaking from all the adrenaline and the fear.  He nudged her face up with his hands on her cheeks, one holding ice.  He looked right at her and said, "I'm here.  I don't know what you want from me or what you want me to say.  You have to steer me in the right direction here.  I don't know what I'm doing."

So that confirmed it.  They were both as confused as the other.

A/N: There ya go, lovelies!! I hope you liked it. We are finally seeing them talking about what's going on!! :-) Let me know what you think! If you liked it, leave a little comment or vote! If not, let me know why!!

Until next time, lovelies! Ta!