Deaf Defying Love (COMPLETE)

Chapter46

We walked past shops as neither one of us knew how to strike the conversation.

The sun beat down on me, drying my hair in my dry set of clothes. Thank goodness for the heat! Jasper had his hands in his pockets, while I had my hands on the straps of my backpack. It was like a crazy waiting game; Who would break the ice first?

"Okay, so... I'll just bring it up for us. We did kiss," Ding, ding, ding! Jasper is the winner of the ice breaker! Now if only I had the courage to go further into the conversation, but only replies came to mind. "Yeah, we did." That answer from me wasn't satisfying, I know.

"I suppose we just start from the beginning. Why did we?" He was doing his best to carry this conversation but I didn't know how to pick up the slack. I have to think about my answers, not just call one out. "That's not the beginning. It started with who kissed who first." I clarified. I wanted to know his question too, but if we wanted it from square one then this was the start.

"I don't think either of us did. We both just... Did. Unless you saw differently," He was right. Neither of us just decided to do it, we both did. "Okay, then your question; Why did we?"

"For me... I don't know at first I think it was all in the moment. But then it stopped because I pulled away, and yeah..." He trailed off into his own mind, hiding what else he wanted to say. "That brings the ball to me. Gosh this is harder than I thought. Um I think 'why' is just what you said. The moment got us caught up. Hey Jasper? Why, and I know this is strange, but why did you pull away?"

He stopped in his tracks physically, and I think mentally because his face went blank. Like an unanswerable question. "I," He began but didn't continue for a moment or two. "Didn't think it was right unless we both agreed that was going to happen." He picked up pace to walk by my side again.

"Thank you, for telling me... I asked you earlier but," I threw my head back to the sky and rubbed my temples. "Never mind."

All the sudden electricity ran through my hands as two grips came around them. Pulled me into a hug that was short but meaningful. "Where do we go from here?" He knew what I was thinking.

"Exactly. Is this how it's meant to be for us? Friends? Because I'm too scared to even ask another option." My hands started to tremble in his, and he gently stroked them with his thumbs. "Or is it more than that?" His question burned my mind like a hot branding.

"Is it?" My own question just seemed to come naturally, as if it just needed to be asked. "Let's talk about this somewhere else," People started to get mad that we were blocking some of the sidewalk. Pulling my hands from his I followed him back to the truck, taking in shaky breaths.
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We sat in the hay loft, hanging our feet from the opening. Sipping the water bottle that I'd gotten from the porch, it trickled down my throat. The ride back to the house had been silent, and even coming up here was so far the same.

Tapping my fingers along the rim of the edge, I waited for him to break the silence like he did earlier. But he never did. I guess we were both waiting for the same thing, somebody to start talking. "Friends." The one word slipped out but at the same time I don't think I fought to stop it from coming out

He turned to me, and just looked at me. No words came out, just long slow blinks and looking. His eyes were glassy again. "Then... That settles it." He finally spoke. My hand moved itself on top of Jasper's and I held it, even if he didn't take mine back. "No. Friends is what I don't know about anymore. Not we should be friends, or that we shouldn't be. Tell me what's running through your head Jasper. Friends or more than that."

His eyes widened. What was there to say in a moment like this? "Ever since I met you I was indecisive with myself. Right now if you want my honesty," He went silent again. I wanted to rush him but I couldn't. There was no way to make this go faster or easier.