Red Lighter ✧ John Murphy

XLIX - Lost

So school got in the way of my writing I guess. I hate it so much. :'(

Also I got a Macbook on Tuesday (same day school started) and I'm honestly so happy about it

Like half the time I don't even know what I wanted to use it for or what I want to type I just really wanna use it

Enjoy! :3

Edit: I just realized that I wrote "Haha" instead of "Jaha" ffs
OH MY GOD THERE ARE SO MANY TYPOS
WHY SIS I POST THIS WITHOUT EDITING IT FIRST
*not that I ever do but still*

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Chapter Fourty-Nine

Later in the night, I was told by ALIE that it was now my job to use my particular "talents" to persuade Marcus Kane to take the key. She told me that, if I felt it was necessary, I could bring him to the brink of death. As long as he took the key, it didn't matter if he died. His mind would live on in the City of Light.

The guards had built special platforms that would allow us to be face to face with the prisoners. I stepped up onto it and took in his rather grisly appearance, surveying exactly what I was dealing with.

Dried blood covered his arms and hands, while fresh blood continued to flow from he wounds caused by the spikes I had driven into his wrists. His head was hanging low, and it seemed like the spikes in his arms were the only thing holding him up. He was so weak that he would drop unconscious if the nails didn't keep him up. A thin layer of sweat coated his skin, and his fingers trembled, even though he probably couldn't feel them anymore.

I moved my hand under his chin and forced his head up, making him look me in the eyes.

"Take the key," I commanded.

His eyelids were barely half open, but he had enough energy to reject my offer.

"I'd... Rather... D-Die," he said, his voice hoarse from misuse, as well as frustration.

"Careful, Marcus," I said, a sick and twisted smile forming on my face. "That can easily be arranged."

I took the knife from my belt, but kept the one in my boot in it's usual place.

I pressed the point of the knife into his chest, near the shoulder. Blood began to form, and he winced, but didn't have the strength to scream. I dragged it along his shirt, tearing it and causing his life-force to drain from his body. Within minutes, he was bleeding in at least three places on each limb, as well as four spots on his torso.

A part of my mind was screaming. I didn't quite understand what it said at first, until I finally paid close attention.

This isn't you.

I ignored it.

"It will only get worse from here. Do you not want this pain to end, Marcus?"

He only stared at me with an angered expression, frustration in his eyes.

"Fine," I said, then took the knife off of him.

His eyes widened in fear when he realized where I had put the blade, and the previously hateful look on his face faded quickly.

This is not you.

"Venus, don't do this!" he shouted, adrenaline coursing through his veins.

I pressed the knife deeper into my throat, not feeling any pain, even as I bled. "Take the key."

This IS NOT you.

This part screamed even louder, until it was nothing but a pulsing in my brain. I could feel it taking over, and my skull began to throb. I didn't understand. I thought I couldn't feel pain? I thought I would never feel pain again? Did ALIE lie to me?

She suddenly appeared at my side, and I dropped the knife. Both Kane and ALIE looked at me with concerned expressions, but for entirely different reasons. Kane, for fear of my life being lost. ALIE, for fear of someone finally being able to crack her code and break away.

I clutched my head, and let out an almost glass-shattering scream. Kane winced, and ALIE looked horrified. She didn't have a specific expression, but I could see it in her eyes.

Jaha suddenly came running out of the building and over to us, but by then, it was too late. I had fallen unconscious, my body hitting the wooden planks of the platform. Something in my mind was released. My emotions and my memories came back in thunderous waves. The memories that made me feel most emotional were of Murphy.

I had actually forgotten him.

One word echoed in my mind as I slipped away.

Freedom.

*

I could feel someone holding onto my arms, lifting me up. My feet literally dragged on the ground, and I could hear voices among the loud scuffling.

"How could she have done this?" a familiar male voice asked, though I couldn't tell exactly who it was.

"I do not know," a woman said. "This has never happened before. She should not have been able to reject it on her own. Once she took the key, she should have been mine."

"Should we kill her?" he asked.

The woman didn't speak for a moment. She was hesitating.

"No. We must keep her a prisoner. She may not remember what we have told her, and the prisoners cannot escape, so there is no harm even if she does tell them all she knows."

"You want to willingly give her to the people who are against us?"

"We have no use for her now."

The voices faded as the scuffling continued, and I could tell that they had decided to stay still while I was forced to leave. I could barely lift my head, and I knew exactly why.

I had broken away. My mind had found a way to attack the key as if it were a virus in my body, and it destroyed the thing holding me to ALIE. I didn't know how and I didn't know why, but I was happy.

I still felt guilty. I couldn't believe that I had allowed myself to forget about Murphy. And now that I was thinking about it even more, I realized I had forgotten almost everyone I loved. Murphy, Octavia, Bellamy, Raven, all of them. Because I felt guilty when I thought of each of them. I was guilty for leaving Murphy alone with Emori. I was guilty for leaving Octavia and Bellamy behind when I left with Murphy and Jaha. I was guilty for not stopping Murphy from shooting the floor and shooting Raven in turn. I had hurt so many people and because of that, I felt pain. So the key allowed me to forget it and to focus on everything that ALIE wanted. And ONLY what ALIE wanted.

And now that she was no longer there, I felt lost.