Complicated People, Complicated Love

Worst Thing

Lucas
     
     I feel like Maya's been avoiding me. She came back to school two days ago and she talks to me and acts like everything's ok but I can tell something's wrong. She won't make eye contact with me and whenever I touch her she doesn't acknowledge it at all.

       I rode with her and Riley on the subway this morning and she stood up instead of sitting down next to me. I've decided I'm going to confront her when school is over. If something's wrong she needs to tell me, I need to know.

      The bell signaling the end of the day rings and Maya jumps up and leaves immediately, followed by Riley.

     I rush after them and push through the double doors open and my skin is hit with hot with the suns rays, I spot Maya. Walking fast and Riley trying to keep up. Maya's clutching her notebook to her chest.

      "Maya!" She stops and reluctantly turns around. "Riley can I talk to her for a minute?"

       "Yeah totally," Riley says walking back towards the school, looking behind her skeptically. I walk over to a tree for shade and Maya follows.

       "Can you please tell me what's going on? Don't bother denying it, I know something's wrong," she sighs and looks down. "Is it your dad? Is he back?"

      "No it's not about him, it's about me,"

      "What?" She looks up and puts her arms to her sides.

       "This isn't me. I have you and I shouldn't. I'm happy and there's something wrong with that,"

       "What? That's crazy. You deserve to be the happiest person here! And as far as having me, yes you should," I reach for her shoulder but she shrugs me away.

       "You don't understand. We won't last. We're in high school, no high school relationship works. You're my first boyfriend, those don't last. I'd rather be friends than to have some horrible break up that ruins us,"

       "We won't break up though! We will last, it's us," I try once more to grab her shoulders but she backs away and throws her notebook to the ground.

      "It's impossible Lucas! You worry about me constantly, that can't be healthy. I'm bad for you, I'm poison!" Her voice wavers and my throat tightens.

      "You are the opposite of poison, you're my everything."

       "And that has to change,"

      "Where is this coming from? Is this because of thanksgiving?"

       "No! That was my decision. I've just come to my senses." She's quiet again.

        "You can't just go without a boyfriend your whole life, you need someone. Everyone does,"

       "And I'll have Riley and Farkle and you, as friends,"

       "That's no way to live Maya,"

      "It's how I have to live, I need you in my life, forever. And I can't plague boys with my terrible life,"

       "Maya-"

       "No!" I see a tear now. "It's how it has to be," she walks away fast.

      "Maya! I don't understand!" She keeps walking, Riley running after her. Did that really just happen? No, this will be fine, it'll be fine, we'll make it.

      I see Maya's notebook on the grass. I pick it up. I open it and see her doodles. Random things. A dragon, a rose, the occasional note from whatever class she's in at the time. The art's amazing. My talented girl. As I flip through I see my name. It's in big block letters, shaded beautifully and almost taking up the whole page. I continue and I se my name again, in cursive.

       As I flip through my name appears every other page.

       "We'll be fine," I say out loud, taking a deep breath, refusing to accept what has just happened.