Complicated People, Complicated Love

Girl Talk

Maya

    It's been a week since the accident. I'm at home with my mom, no idea where dad is. The glass didn't do any permanent damage to my knee and the doctor says I can start putting weight on it again, so that's good news. It still shocks me that Billy's gone. We weren't close, he was too much of a jerk, but we did go to school together for most of our lives.

       Riley, Farkle, and Lucas come over and visit so I'm never alone. We sit and watch tv or play games, anything really and it's nice. School's starting again tomorrow. They temporarily shut it down to clean up and install more intense security.

      Riley's over and we're painting each other's nails while watching Parks and Recreation on my old beat up tv. The room is lit up by a lamp on the table next to us and it's pitch black outside.

      "How's it going with Farkle?" I ask as she paints my fingernails a bright shade of purple which puts a finishing touch on making my hands look like a rainbow barfed on them.

     "Really good," she says smiling. "He's so sweet and all I want to do is be around him, like, all the time," I know how she feels. "And I just love him so much!" She says.

     "You love him?" I ask, sort of shocked. She looks up.

    "Well, yeah. We've been dating for a couple of months and he's amazing. Don't you love Lucas?" I think about that for a second. I feel everything she just said for Lucas. I want to be with him every second, I want to skip school so I can just hold him all day. His smile makes me smile, his jokes make me want to kill him and laugh at the same time. His smell intoxicates me. Is that love? Because if it is I guess I do love him.

     "I think I do," I say. Wow, I've only ever loved my mom and the Mathews. It feels weird to have someone else in this private circle of people I love. But it also feels right.

     "So I'm guessing that you haven't told him?" She asks.

     "Should I? Have you said it to Farkle?"

    "Yeah, since week two of dating actually," she says laughing. Week two?

   "And he said it back?" I ask. Already nervous to say it out loud to Lucas.

    "He says it back every time. And so will Lucas," I nod. But will he? What if he doesn't think about me the way I think of him.

     "You sure?" I ask. I know I'm not.

    "Completely. And if you're not, there's only one way to prove it to yourself. Tell him," she says putting down the nail polish. She says that like it's easy. No part of the words 'I love you' are easy.