Complicated People, Complicated Love

Dance

Maya

      By the time the dance reaches 10:00, Riley has dragged a reluctant Lucas to the dance floor, and Farkle has begun hitting on some senior girls who look about ready to run away. Yup, these are my friends. I'm happy to be here, just watching everyone, something about it just makes me feel happy, seeing them happy. Lucas is stiff with a jumping Riley and his dancing is so bad I wanna laugh.

       I sigh, peeling away from the wall and making my way back to the snack table. I grab a handful of pretzels and go back to my spot. I think I'm going to have gained at least 20 pounds by the end of the night. Hey, free food's free food.

      "Hey Short Stack," I know it's him before I look, only one person calls me that. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I look up from my pretzels and see Lucas standing in front of me, his hands in his pockets. His button up shirt has been rolled up to reveal his forearms. I gulp down my pretzel with difficulty.

      "Make it snappy, as you can see I'm quite busy," I hold out the pretzels in front of his face. He smiles back. There's something about his energy right now that seems unusual. He's slightly moving up and down, fast, his hands are clenched and he won't stop looking at me. I force myself to keep eye contact.

      "What up Rick?" I ask putting a pretzel in my mouth and letting it slowly dissolve.

      "Come here," he says. He takes my arm and leads me just a few steps to the right, away from the big dance floor. A spark radiates through my whole body at the touch. His hands are sweaty, and when he takes his hand from my arm, I can still feel its presence through the cold wind on my arm.

       "Ok, this is hard for me to say, and I'm almost positive that you're going to react badly, but I need to tell you before I lose my nerve and-"

      "Spit it out dude," I interrupt, my voice muffled by the pretzels. But I'm curious, and a bit nervous.

      He sighs and closes his eyes, clenching and unclenching his hands. When his eyes open again, he's looking into mine more intently than before. "Do you trust me?" The question takes me by surprise. Goosebumps flare on my skin. I don't think I'm gonna like where this is going.

      "Uh, what does this have to do with what you were going to say?" I ask, avoiding the question, of course I trust him, but do I tell him that and risk the ball being in his court? I look around avoiding his eyes, spotting Riley with Farkle on the dance floor, closer than previous times thanks to the slow song playing.

      "Do you trust me?" He repeats. His dim green eyes bright in the strobe lights. His face is calm, his whole body still all of a sudden. Did he get closer?

       "We're at a dance Lucas," I wave my arms around me. Like that's an excuse to not answer.

       "Maya, do you trust me?"

       "Yes," I say quietly, quickly. It slipped out, like trying to hold a kitten with one hand, it finds a way out. My eyes are on his, and I see his mouth move up into a smile. I think I'm blushing. I should find an escape route.

       "I like you Maya," I feel something happen in my chest, like someone electrocuted my heart. I try not to gasp at the feeling. "I have for a long time, I just don't think I've realized it until now. You make me feel happy, all the time, even when you aren't with me. You challenge me, and you build me up even when you try to do the opposite. I like you Maya, a lot." He's still looking at me, even as he stops talking. That's hope in his eyes, and assuredness.

      My mouth is hanging open. He just stands still, almost as still as me. The first thing I hear come out of me comes out way too long after he's done. "What about Riley?"

      "I've never liked her in that way, she's one of my best friends." I'm shaking my head. "but it's you I like Maya,"

       Even if I did like Lucas... which I can acknowledge, I do. I really do. But I can't do that to Riley. Sisters before misters, hoes before bros, this is what I've been taught to know. I never thought that I would doubt these phrases, never. But, God do I want him. No! No, I can't. I realize I've been shaking my head this whole time and force myself to stop, but I don't dare look back up at him.

       "I can't," I force out. Then I turn around. And walk slowly to the exit door, being constantly bumped into by crazy dancing teenagers but I can't seem to find a path. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. The music is loud in my ears, but I can't make out the words. My breathing is turning ragged again. Please don't cry, I will myself.

       "Maya!" Lucas grabs my shoulder and spins me around. I must not have gotten very far. "You have to say something," I can't look at him. I don't know what I'll do it if I do. I just know that I can't.

       "No, I don't, and I'm sorry, but I have to go," I turn quickly this time and practically run out of the dance. I'm pretty sure I actually pushed someone to the ground in my haste by accident. Oopsie.

       I know that it must have taken courage to say what Lucas said, more courage than I obviously have, but I did the right thing by choosing Riley over him. Right? I did. I did. No question. But if I did, then why do I feel like I'm going to cry? Like I want to crawl into a shell and ball my eyes out.