Complicated People, Complicated Love

It's What!?

Maya

I'm waiting in a small room for the doctor to come in. Lucas is sitting down in an uncomfortable brown chair and reading a magazine across from me. He's been so sweet. He hasn't asked me any questions about anything, he's respected my privacy.

I'm really scared though. Not for myself, I know that the "seizure" was just one of my really bad headaches. I'm scared that my dad will find out. If he finds out that I went to the hospital and that they know about my headaches, who knows what he'll do.

"Miss Hart? Hi, I'm doctor McCall. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?" She came in abruptly and when she did, Lucas jumped out of the chair and was ready to listen. The woman has a soothing voice, which makes it easier for me to say yes to her questions. Lucas stands by my seat and I nod at the doctor and she smiles.

"So, judging by your pupils and your breathing, you did not have a seizure. You had a severe migraine. And the nurses told me that you didn't want to come to the hospital, could that possibly be from having experienced one of these migraines before?" I don't know what to say. I want to lie but is it even safe to lie to a doctor? I just nod.

"How many have you had?" She asks pulling out her clipboard and pen.

"I guess now 10," I try not to look at Lucas. Maybe he'll be mad at me for not telling him. Then he'll just walk away from me before we're even together. I lied to him about getting hurt in my dad's car that night. Even if you're as good as Lucas, lying is hard to forgive.

"And when did these start?"

" I was 9. I got in a car accident and hit my head. They happen a couple times a year at the most random times," I say. The doctor writes something down on her clipboard. She writes and then flips through her papers for minutes before telling us what's up. I can't look at Lucas.

"They aren't random," she says factually. "This is rare, but we've had a few cases like yours, it's incurable." I look down. A part of me was hoping that they could fix me, but I wasn't expecting anything. "From what we can gather from these cases, the episodes are triggered by a strong negative emotion. Mostly anger, distress, worry, helplessness."

I think for a second. That does fit all the times I got my headaches. That time I couldn't help that kid getting beat up. I felt anger. And helplessness. When my grandma died. Distress. When Riley and I had our first fight. Anger. Just a few hours ago. Worry, about Lucas and I, about if this was a smart idea.

"Maya? This has happened before?" I look up at Lucas who is looking at me with worry.

"Yeah, but it's fine," I say, putting my hand in his and giving him a reassuring smile.

"I hate to say this Miss Hart." The doctor looks up from her clipboard. "But, um, this is worse than you seem to think. At the rate you are going with the amount of episodes. This can end very badly."

"What do you mean badly?" Lucas asks, his hand tenses under mine.

"Well, if they aren't spaced out enough, they can actually be fatal."

Did she just say fatal?

"Fatal!?" Lucas says exasperated. I feel dizzy all of a sudden. I always knew that they weren't good for my head or my health, but now they can kill me!?

"I'm afraid so. In our experience, people have an amount of ten incidences in the span of twelve years. You've had ten in a span of eight. And three of those have been this year."

Lucas sits down next to me. "Can they be stopped?" He asks.

"There is no treatment. The best thing you can do is try to keep yourself calm. Maybe try yoga or herbal tea."

This is crazy. I can't change who I am or what I feel. I nod to the doctor though. Lucas is up again, pacing. The doctor leaves, saying that we can leave in a half hour, after she files my paperwork.

"Lucas It's fine. I'm fine," I say trying to reassure him. I'm honestly not that worried for some reason. I'm sure I can stop them without sold dumb yoga.

"No you're not," he says, continuing to walk back and forth. "Do you even know how often you say that? You're not fine Maya. Don't ever tell me that you're fine." He's stopped and looking at me with such intensity that it makes me feel guilty.

"I won't," I say getting up. His green eyes almost look scared. "But this will be okay Lucas. I promise," he smiles. "What?" I ask smiling back.

"You called me Lucas tonight," his smile turns to full on grin.

"Oh shut up," I take my hand from his shoulder and push him, still smiling.

When the mood turns back to before, he asks me to tell him something. Actually, to tell him everything. And I agree.