brain cancer fic》jerrie version

e l e v e n - the end

It doesn't end with a bang like Jade has been preparing for. It's a whimper and a soft, breathy sigh, Perrie's frail chest rising once, twice, three times more and then everything is still, like the earth has stop turning on its axis.

Somehow, knowing it's coming doesn't make it any less painful. If anything, it makes it worse - like every place Perrie has ever touched her is burning, flames licking hungrily at her blistering skin.

It takes her a long, long time to move, and even longer to get herself untangled from Perrie because she's trying to be careful. So, so careful - don't wake Perrie, don't wake Perrie she thinks. Her fingers shake as he dials the number - she's got it memorized at this point, she's been ready for weeks - and her voice cracks a little as she explains the situation to the operator.

Perrie looks okay, at least - less tired, mouth slack. She looks like a kid again. Jade hopes she's not hurting anymore.

When the paramedics finally come, Jade is running her shaking fingers through Perrie's hair, just the way she likes - liked, she reminds himself, feeling another shard of her sanity crumble to the carpet - and it almost feels like normal. Almost.

After they take her away, Jade sits on the edge of the couch, shaking hard and clutching at her knees as it sinks all the way into her very core that she's never going to see Perrie ever again and she's put his fist through the drywall before her reason can catch up.

It's not until two weeks later when she wakes up cold and alone in bed that she remembers the note. The fucking letter.

She nearly dies tripping over her own feet on her way to the dresser, yanking out the envelope and clutching it to her chest desperately, head tilted towards the ceiling and for the first time since Perrie died she feels something. Not a good something, but something nonetheless.

Her hands are shaking so badly. Shr's scared to even look at it, scared because this is the last piece of Perrie she has. That's untrue, really, because she has all Perrie's clothes and pictures and her phone and her everything, but somehow this feels like it, the final nail in the coffin.

Jade's dry expression makes way for a choking sob as her eyes land on the front of the envelope - two crudely drawn stick figure girls, holding hands with a lopsided heart in between them, J+P forever!!!!!!!! scribbled in its center. Next to it is what appears to be the two said stick figures engaging in what Jade can only assume is scissoring and she can't decided whether to laugh or cry harder. Maybe both.

Before she can remove the contents of the envelope, the doorbell rings.

It takes him a long time to make her way to the door, but when she finally is able to open it after flipping all the locks with shaking fingers, Jade is surprised to find Leigh-Anne and Jesy standing there, all with their left sleeves rolled up, grinning like mad and Jade wants to punch them for looking genuinely happy. She can barely remember what a smile feels like on her mouth, what it's like to not have a weight hanging heavy on her heart every second, like if she tries to just breathe for a second it's going to crush her.

What's so great? She wants to ask, doesn't. When they hold out their arms for her, he gets her answer.

Tattooed on each of their wrists is a tiny P.

It takes Jade a full ten minutes with her face buried in Jesy's neck to stop crying and invite them inside. They all sit awkwardly in the sitting room, like they're not quite sure how to function without Perrie. Jade understands all too well.

"D'you want us to stay?" Leigh-Anne asks in a low, level voice, like she's trying not to scare off a baby deer.

"Yeah," she says quietly, head still wrapping itself around the fact that Perrie's note is in her pocket and she hasn't read it yet. "Gotta take a piss first, though."