brain cancer fic》jerrie version

n i n e

"How is she?" is the first thing out of Jade's mouth after she's said hello to Jesy, making a beeline for the chair where Perrie is curled up like a cat, presumably asleep and crouching down in front of her.

"She's been out of it for a little over an hour," Jesy says sadly, fingers brushing along Perrie's arm doing nothing to rouse her. "Good until then, though. We watched Step Brothers and cuddled a bit. I told her I wouldn't tell you about the kissing if she didn't." Jesy grins cheekily, holding up her hands defensively, as if to say, just kidding, please don't kill me. "She kept talking about you before, though. Think she wanted you."

"'Course she wants me," Jade says, cupping Perrie's cheeks. "I'm her favorite. Right, sweetheart?"

Perrie makes a soft, pathetic whining noise as she peeks out at Jade through her lashes, nuzzling into Jade's hand like a kitten.

"Hey, darling," Jadegreets her, kneeling down because it's easier for Perrie to concentrate if Jade is level with her. Perrie's eyes are glassy, and she wipes absently at her nose with the sleeve of her jumper.

"Do I get a goodbye hug?" Jesy teases as she gets up to go, looking fairly flustered when Perrie laughs and tugs her down and wraps her arms around her, planting a friendly kiss on her cheek. "Bye, Pez." She gives Jade a hug on the way out, giving her the standard, Call me if you need anything.

When Jade returns to where Perrie is sitting, Perrie looks like she's about to cry, lower lip trembling and Jade wonders absently if she was feeling like this the entire time she was gone, just holding it in.

"Jade," Perrie whispers, sounding raspy and sad and Jade makes a mental note not to leave the room until Perrie is feeling okay again.

"Yeah, babe. I'm here." Jade frowns, examining Perrie's eyes carefully to make sure she's actually here. "I think you're yellow right now. Is that right?"

Perrie nods once. "Sad," she whimpers before burying her face in Jade's arm, and Jade scoops her up, pulling the blankets off the chair before she sits down with Perrie in her lap, arranging the blankets around her neatly.

"Why are you sad?" Jade asks, fully prepared to get nothing in response. Perrie is like that lately; unable to fathom how, why, even what.

So she's more than a little surprised when Perrie blinks at her and mumbles, "Missed you." She's fidgeting with the necklace Jade got her for her birthday, holding it so tight like she's scared it's going to disappear.

Jade's heart is truly in her throat now. "Oh, baby," she croons, pressing a kiss to Perrie's forehead. She can't stop kissing her nowadays, can't stop touching her, can't stop assuring Perrie that she loves, loves, loves her to the moon and back. "Missed you, too. Missed you more, in fact. Way more."

Perrie bites her lip and shakes her head. "Not possible."

It's the most responsive she's been in a few days, and Jade wants to take full advantage of it. "Are you hungry?"

Perrie shakes her head. Jade sighs. Good things never did come easy.

"Okay, let's try this again. If I make soup, will you try to eat some?"

Perrie nods this time, pursing her lips and gazing absently at the wall. Eating is hard, lately - she's never ever hungry and always so, so tired and the doctors have told Jade this is normal as time goes on, which Jade knows is code for as we get closer to the end but it's still terrifying, watching Perrie look like she's going to waste away into nothingness.

Perrie manages several spoonfuls of soup that night, snuggled up with Jade in bed while they watch Anchorman. Perrie falls asleep halfway through, breathing soft and even but Jade keeps his ear pressed to her chest the entire night long, eventually drifting off to the even lull of Perrie's heart, the same one that's inked into the back of her neck. It's a good night.

It's one of the last good nights she'll have.

Jade likes sing to her, likes to tell Perrie stories. Perrie likes being read to, but she likes it more when Jade just talks, because her voice is always quiet and she never speaks too fast for Perrie to understand. Mostly, though, Perrie just likes to listen, and it's weird because Perrie is usually the one talking, filling the room with her presence but things are different now and Jade gets that and it's good. It's okay.

"Do you remember these?" Jade asks her one morning, fingers brushing against Perrie's rope tattoo as she moves to point to the anchor on her own wrist.

Perrie purses her lips, eyes narrowing and tongue poking out a little as she concentrates, trying to find the memory from wherever it's buried deep in her brain. Finally, with a look of hopelessness and defeat, she shakes his head, eyes getting glassier by the minute.

"It's okay," Jade assures her quickly, stroking her cheek, even though it feels like. "Just means that I'm your anchor. Just like you're the compass that guides me," she explains slowly, pressing his fingers gently to Perrie compass. Perrie gazes at it curiously, as if she doesn't even know how it got there. She looks frustrated when she gazes up at Jade, glassy eyes seeming to say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't remember, I'm so so so sorry.

Jade just holds her close and whispers, "It's okay. It's okay, Pez. It's just a bunch of ink, anyway. What's important is that I love you, okay, and you love me too, right?"

Perrie nods quickly, pressing her cold palm to Jade's chest. Of course I love you, the gesture says. Jade kisses her cold little nose and lets her rest, waiting until she's sure Perrie is asleep to let her face relax and crumble.

She really doesn't want Perrie to see her cry.

Jade knows it's coming. It's been coming for a long time and frankly, she's gotten more time with Perrie than she ever thought she'd get since the day she was diagnosed, and she should be grateful but instead she's just angry, angry because she doesn't want to lose Perrie and angry because Perrie can't remember a damn thing anymore and one of these days she's going to wake up and forgot Jade's name and that's going to be it, Jade thinks. That's going to be the last straw, and she can't deal with Perrie dying not knowing who she is, not remembering every detail, every night they've spent tangled up together, every morning making heart eyes at each other over breakfast, every show with adrenaline pumping through their veins and love in their hearts, and.

Fuck. Jade can't do this. Fuck.

++++++++

i'm so sorry that i kept everyone waiting!!!!

but this story hit 500 reads imma get the champagne glasses!

a side note;

this story was larry, that explains the tattoo's etc. i'm not going to change it since its not my story.

i'm doing a double update i tonight i think, so yeah, the end is coming closer :((((