So Much Love To Give

So Lonely

It was a cold winters night of new years eve of 1999 when Lindsey Buckingham was sitting by his fire place, staring at the flames rising and falling, he was deep in thought about where his life had taken him. He was completely alone, he had no family, no wife and most importantly no children, he cast his mind back to the time when he almost had a child, a daughter in fact and her mother was the most beautiful woman he would ever lay his eyes on

New Years Eve 1976

"Push Steph, come on you can do it! Just one more push and we will have our baby girl" He squeezed her hand and mopped her brow

"I can't! Linds it hurts to much, I can't do it anymore..." she cried

"Yes you can! I know you can baby, she'll be so worth it I know she will!" Stevie nodded and gave one last big push, the Dr telling her that was it, the baby had been delivered

Stevie and Lindsey were over the moon, they had their first child together, once they got over the initial excitement Stevie looked at Lindsey with a grave expression

"Why isn't she crying?" No body answered her they just ran out of the room quickly with the baby, they never did hear their little girl cry, she was to weak to survive the birth, Lindsey held her in another room, Stevie not being able to for fear of going crazy. Lindsey held the blanket that contained his first born, gently rocking her and kissing her tiny head, he stayed like that for hours, in hopes that she would open her eyes so he could see whether she had her mothers or her fathers eyes, she had her mothers nose for definite, so he presumed her eyes would match his own, they came to take her away a short while later and he said his final goodbyes, he thought it may be a little morbid but he took out his camera and snapped a picture, he never wanted to forget her peaceful face

He shivered as he came back to the present, after that day neither he nor Stevie would ever be the same again, and it had effected their relationship, he had tried so hard to keep it together, he asked her to marry him, which she of course declined, he even said they should try for another baby, she agreed but a couple months into trying Lindsey stumbled across some pills in Stevie's handbag when it fell off the side, she was on the pill, it made sense now why she wasn't getting pregnant...she didn't want a family with him anymore

Their relationship came to a complete end one summer night when he came home to find the man that had asked them into his band in the first place naked in his and Stevie's bed wrapped around her, there was no yelling but there were plenty of tears, especially from Stevie when Lindsey walked over to her with his cases, calmly kissed her forehead and whispered to her "I'm so sorry that I wasn't enough for you anymore, I tried the best I could, god knows I tried" and that was it, he had walked out of the house they shared for good

They had managed to keep things civil for the band, they still had to this day, they were no longer lovers but they were the best of friends, they shared a bond that would never die

Lindsey sat and watched the fire a little longer, he was lonely, he wanted children, and he wanted a wife, he had so much love in his heart but no one to give it to, and it was taking its toll on him. He had an idea!

~

A few days later into the new year of 2000 Lindsey found himself walking through the doors of a foster home, he heard children playing and laughing and he smiled to himself, he would love to hear that every day echoing through the halls of his own home

He knocked on the office door and was invited in for a seat

"Good morning Mr Buckingham, I'm Ms Wilson, what brings you here today?" The owner said to him

"I was looking on information to foster a child"

"Okay, I don't think that should be a problem, there are many children here looking for a temporary home until they reach of age, or until their legal guardian becomes someone who is capable of caring for them"

"Oh so it's not like adoption?"

"No, adoption is permanent where as fostering is a short term or sometimes long term agreement, you would not have any legal rights over the child, so if, and I do mean if the child's parent or parents come and ask for them back then we have no choice but to grant them their wishes" Lindsey thought for a while, could he just give a child back after taking care of them? He doesn't see why not

"Okay, I'd still like to foster"

"Great okay! There's a few questions I need to ask first then we can get the paper work going!"

"Okay go ahead"

"Right first things first, do you live in a large enough house that it could hold a child comfortably?"

"Yes, I have a very large house, and also a fair amount of money"

"Okay, well we will check your accounts and everything anyway just to make sure" Lindsey nodded

"Are you married? It is much easier if you are, very rarely at the moment are children fostered out to a single carer"

Shit!  Lindsey thought! He doesn't even have a girlfriend let alone a wife

"Yes! I am married, my wife is away on business at the moment" He hoped that the woman in front of him didn't know who he was or he was screwed

"Great! Well we need to meet up with her at some point as well just to check over things! would you like to have a look at the children? then once we've security checked you and everything you can pick one out?" Lindsey bit his tongue to stop himself from telling her they were children not dogs! He simply smiled and agreed

Walking through to the canteen area he took a look at all the children in there, he didn't realise there were so many unfortunate kids out there in the world, he watched as they played but his eyes focused on the little girl sat at a table by herself drinking a carton of milk, she must have been three and a half years old at the latest, he frowned when he saw two older lads walk up to her, steal her milk, drink it and give her back the empty carton, then they proceeded to snatch the bow from her hair and trample on it, placing it on the table too and the two boys were pulling her hair around, Lindsey watched as the girl started to cry, clutching her teddy bear which they tried to take too, Lindsey was astounded that Ms Wilson was not doing anything to stop it so he jogged on over himself

"Stop that now!" the two boys stepped back and left the girl alone, Lindsey crouching down in front of her

"Hey sweetie, you alright?" She didn't say anything, just continued to sniffle, Lindsey picked up her bow from the table brushed it off and placed it neatly back in her hair, smoothing the hair away from her face

"See, all beautiful again! What's you name honey?" before he heard an answer one of the bullies spoke up "She won't talk to you, she's dumb, she don't talk to anyone" Lindsey ignored them and turned his attention back to her before he could say anything else Ms Wilson came along

"She's been here for six months and she hasn't said a word"

Lindsey got up and walked out with Ms Wilson, they sorted a few things out and she told him that she would be in contact when the next stages came around, she assured him it shouldn't take long. Just as Lindsey was leaving he turned and spoke

"Say what was that little girls name?"

"That was Robin"

Lindsey walked out and knew that it was a sign that that little girl was the one he was supposed to care for, but first off he needed to find a woman who would foster with him, there was no doubt in Lindsey's mind who that would be, she was woman he had known the longest, he wouldn't want to do this with anyone else but her!

Hey guys! Sorry I've been away for a while, I've been on vacation and also had major writers block, I'm not sure how to carry on my other story at this moment in time, so I am leaving it for a short while. but the idea for this story has been floating in my head for a while now so I do hope you enjoyed the start of this and it is something you want to read and will join me for the rest of it! many thanks xo