Dan rolled over, groaning as he was blinded by the light of his phone. He must have fallen asleep holding it. Wincing at the bright light, he saw an incoming call from "Phil ♡".
"Phil?" Dan spoke.
"Dan," Phil replied, relief in his voice. "I was worried about you."
"I fell asleep waiting for you to text back. Why were you worried?"
Phil was quiet for a moment. "Well...I know how you are at night, when your mind is racing, and...I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You usually don't go to sleep this early. I'm sorry I woke you up."
Dan smiled to himself, feeling butterflies in his tummy. "Don't be sorry. That's so kind of you. Thank you."
"So, you're okay?" Phil asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. You've been the only thing on my mind lately, nothing else." Dan heard a faint laugh over the phone, and hoped Phil was convinced that he was okay.
"Hey Dan?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy birthday!"
Dan laughed. "Aw, thanks."
"I'll let you sleep now," Phil said. "Sorry for waking you."
"Don't be sorry," Dan replied. He wished Phil could see how much he was smiling. "Hey, um, Phil?"
"Yeah?"
"I, um...love you. I don't know, I just--I wanted to say that." Dan went silent, anticipating how Phil would react.
"Aw. I love you too, Dan." No, no, no. The way he said it was wrong, Dan thought. That's how someone said 'I love you' to a best friend or family member. Dan felt something different, something he hadn't really experienced before. He fell silent, lost in his own thoughts.
"Dan? Are you still there?" Phil asked.
Dan snapped back to reality. "Yeah, sorry. Just...something on my mind. Good night." He ended the call, and flopped back onto his bed with a sigh. Now his thoughts were racing at a hundred miles an hour, wondering how Phil felt about him and if saying 'I love you' was a huge mistake.
A few minutes passed. Dan felt overwhelmed. There would be no sleeping for him tonight.
His phone buzzed, interrupting his thoughts. It was Phil calling for the second time that night.
"Hello?"
"Tell me what's on your mind, Dan." Phil's voice was gentle and inviting. "I want to help."
Dan felt his heart skip a beat at Phil's kind words. Nobody had ever cared about him this much. "Phil, I'm fine, it's really nothing--"
"If it's bothering you, it's important. I don't care what it is, okay? You can tell me anything."
Dan took a deep breath. "I think I'm in love with you. I said 'I love you' earlier because I was trying to express that. But the way you said it back made me wonder if you feel the same way. It's okay if you don't. I just can't help but think that I ruined a good thing by falling in love and that you'll leave me. You'll find someone else and I'll be alone, alone like I've always been." Dan took a shaky breath, trying to fight back tears. "I know you're probably surprised that I'm saying all of this, and you might even be creeped out. But within these few weeks I've realized that there is nobody like you. There's nobody out there with a heart as kind as yours or eyes as blue. Nobody with your deep voice and your sense of humor. And, frankly, there's nobody I want but you. You've helped me so much, Phil, more than I can ever tell you. You've made me feel something that I only thought existed in books in movies. You're so fucking perfect and I'm so lucky to have met someone like you. I love you. And I'm sorry that I do." As these words tumbled out, Dan felt his worry growing bigger and bigger. Of course Phil wouldn't feel the same way; who would love him, of all people?
With an anguished 'I have to go.', Dan hung up and threw his phone across his room. He was about to lose Phil, he felt it. Climbing under the covers of his bed, Dan felt regret consume him as he cried himself to sleep.
Phil ♡ is calling...
Missed call from Phil ♡.
Phil ♡ is calling...
Missed call from Phil ♡.
