End Of The Day

48

Days go by slowly, and I never leave my room not even for food. I don't want to eat. It's been two days since I last ate. And only a week has passed, but it feels like years have gone by. Today I have decided that it is time I should show my face, so I get out of my bed hissing at the cold floor. I gingerly set the beanie that I cuddle with on the bed, and pull on the beanie that Louis bought me to hide my rapidly growing hair. I quickly make my way down stairs, and I can hear Jay talking to someone in the kitchen.

"It's been a week, Dan. I am worried for him," she says. I sigh quietly waiting for Dan's reply. Seems like he is always over now.

"I didn't think they were that close," he says.

"Practically joint at the hip," she sighs. I walk in clearing my throat, and I pray I look better than I feel. Jay's face softens as she looks me over. "Hi, baby," she smiles softly putting her hands on my cheeks she pulls me close kissing my forehead. Then pulls me into a hug. "He will be back! What did he say to you?"

"Nothing," I mumble pulling away going to the fridge. Nothing looks appetizing, but Jay will just nag me until I do eat something. It's been two days after all. I tug on my sleeves as I search the fridge, and I hate this feeling. I desperately hoped I would never have to feel this feeling again, but here I am feeling it more now than I ever have. That itch to mark my skin with red lines, to feel that pain again to know that I am still alive, and that Louis hasn't numbed me completely.

How could I be so stupid? Let two men just take advantage of me; is that all I'm good for? A good shag, and then I am tossed aside. Am I that expendable?

I shake my head grabbing milk, and then reaching above the fridge to grab cereal. I can feel their eyes on me as I make myself breakfast at- oh it's noon.

I sigh looking at both of them. "Listen. I am okay. Great in fact. He left oh well it is what it is," i shrug. One of Louis' favorite sayings slips out, and I mentally slap myself for it. Jay sighs nodding.

To avoid them I pick up my bowl and carry it to the telly room, and sit down turning the telly on to a random show. I lazily shovel food in my mouth staring at the telly lazily, and soon hear a bunch of footsteps coming down the stairs running to the kitchen, and I heave a sigh prepared to give my best fake smile.

The girls aren't chatty like usual, and I notice the whole mood of the house has changed since he left. I set my empty bowl on the table feeling more awkward then ever, and it's almost like I don't fit in here. I feel tears prick my eyes, but then suddenly feel stupid for wanting to cry. I have been through worst. I have cut because of worst.

I sigh not wanting to stay in the house any longer I go upstairs to text V, and ask if she can hang out. After she says yes I am stuck staring at my phone a smilely Louis looking back at me. My heart clenches, and I want to change it I can't. I am just fucking weak.

***

"She is just so fucking amazing H! I mean so what she has a kid and one on the way. I think I can handle that! Don't you?"

I hum swirling my straw around in my cup, leaned forward my head on my hand the smell of Louis intoxicating on an old jumper he left.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"What happened?"

"Louis left," I say, and stop messing with my straw. Veronica starts asking the questions I expected, and I sigh again. "I dunno. He just told me to fuck off, so I guess I wasn't good enough. I gave him everything, but it wasn't enough."

"Harry no," Veronica sighs. I shrug sadly.

"But eh fuck him right?" I laugh sourly. "I survived before him, and I will without him!"