(in)sanity

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My eyes fluttered open to the sight of sunlight peeking through my living room window and illuminating the scarlet red paint on my damaged wall. I stared up at it, feeling nothing but a strange sense of security.

'Mine.'

Eventually, after minutes of staring, my neck began throbbing, and I sat up, massaging it, begging for relief. I looked around and I realized I'd slept on my living room floor. No pillow, no blanket. I hadn't even changed out of my clothes. I groaned and subconsciously reached for my phone, only to see that it had died overnight. Great. I sat up and searched for a charger around my house until I found the one I keep in the kitchen. I turned on the coffee machine, even though I hate coffee. I needed it. I was absolutely exhausted.

Why has sleeping become such a goddamn challenge? What time was it anyway?

Shit. What time WAS it anyway? My phone was finally alive so I checked it. I had fifteen minutes to get to work.

What the fuck is happening to me?

I whipped my head towards the shower, eager to hop in it, and immediately I yelped in pain. My neck was in knots. I searched for the advil but couldn't find it. Fuck it. I didn't have time anyway. I fixed up my hair and ran out of my apartment, literally sprinting to work. I looked like crap: my uniform was wrinkled, my hair was clearly suffering from bedhead, and my neck felt like it had been stabbed a million times. I shuffled speedily past everyone at Arkham, not daring to make conversation.

I slumped into my chair and finally had a minute to breathe. Joker had a morning session today, of course. And I had nothing prepared: no notes, no methods. All I had was my lingering anxiety about the newest graffitied addition to my apartment, along with the seemingly permanent lips on my tanned skin. Other than that, my mind was drawing a blank. I grudgingly grabbed my notepad and pen to think of some last minute plans, but nothing came up other than the image of his red lips on my blue wall.

'Mine.'

He had claimed me. And I could do nothing but play along and stay strong. Strong. I had to remain strong.

I didn't even know what that meant anymore.

A few minutes went by and I heard the familiar knock at my door. I sleepily granted the guards permission to come in to drop off my infamous patient. They sat him down and left quietly, shutting the door behind them. The sound of the door slamming made me jump. But looking at Joker's face, I immediately relaxed. His smile made me feel more at ease. I began to talk, my voice sounded hollow and dazed,

"You...visited again...last night."

What did I just say? It wasn't even a question. I just had no idea how to address it at this point. Fuck the 'strong' crap. Him and I are beyond that now. He's starting to see me as someone he can relate to, right? Maybe if I just be myself, he'll respect me to the point where we officially are equals. I cannot wait for that day.

He immediately stood up once he made eye contact with me, purring as he methodically walked over to where I was sitting. He kneeled in front of me, and I felt nothing but curiousity. He looked up at me through chestnut lashes,

"Got no sleep last night?"

I smiled down at him, wondering if he thought last night's attempt to violate me hurt me. I touched his chin with my finger,

"I just ran a little late, is all. I'm fine."

He stood again, studying me with wonderment in his eyes as he walked around my chair, circling me like a shark sniffing for blood. I turned to face him and yelped in pain, I had completely forgotten about my neck. My breath hitched in my throat as the pain momentarily blinded me, and I reached my hand up to massage it. But before I could, Joker's hand grabbed my wrist,

"Allow me."

"What?"

He slowly put both his hands on my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing circles into my neck. Out of sheer pleasure I let out a small moan and my head fell backwards, hitting his chest. His hands were untangling the knots, and they were sending electric shocks into my netted nerves. I could hear his throaty whisper close to my ear,

"That's it, baby."

My eyelids fluttered shut.

"Thank you," I breathed, the sound barely audible. I felt so tranquil and at peace. I knew he had the power in his hands right now, but I was learning to trust him. I was still on top. I could still cure my patient. I could save him...i just needed a few more weeks to gain his trust...

A knock at my door caused me to yank my head forward and snap out of my peaceful state. Joker, smiling, hastily crossed the room to sit back down at his designated chair, and I quickly composed myself. My voice sounded too high as i chimed,

"Come in!"

Dr. Jenson's annoying little head poked through, and he eyed Joker before motioning towards me,

"Doctor, someone's here to see you. End your session early with patient 0, please."

I gave him a nod and a fake smile, and I waited for him to close the door before erupting into a fit of giggles, with Joker's laughter following soon after, filling the air with much needed insanity.

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