Fix me

Chapter 29

“Why are you here?” I asked, finding my voice and spurting out sounds and syllables that I couldn’t control. My eyes connected with Jeremy’s and his hardened, a silent threat.

“I came to work out plans for Thanksgiving.” He said coolly, shrugging.

“Violet,” My mother’s voice was a warning that I ignored.

“You could have just called; Uncle Eric would have just called.” I didn’t fail to notice the slight flutter in his jaw before he spoke.

“I wanted to visit my aunt and cousin,” He chuckled, a picture of complete and absolute normal. “Is that so criminal?”

“Violet.”  I looked back at my mom who was now glaring at me. “What is the matter with you?”

My cousin raped me.

“Nothing,” I said, backing up and needed to be as far away from this room as possible.  “I, I have a lot of homework to do,” I stuttered out, eyes darting to the stairs.

“You can do it later,” Mom said, standing. “Dinner is almost ready and you can spend some time with your cousin. Maybe if you came home right away from school, you would be finished with it by now.”

“Mom,” I started, but she cut me off.

“I’m going to check on the chicken,” She said, making her way out of the room and into the kitchen, leaving me alone with a monster.

I looked at where she had been sitting just a moment ago, wishing she was still there. Wishing like I wished the first four months she had been gone. Wishing like I had before I had given up.

“Why did you tell my mom I was at Vanessa’s house?” I whispered, keeping my eyes away from him. The silence in the room was growing and swallowing everything in its path and I had to stop it. Silence could be too deadly. Silence is all I have ever known.

“You were with Hunter.”

His voice was so startling close that my eyes snapped up, finding him only a few feet away from me rather than the other side of the room where he had been just moments ago. He didn’t answer my question and I didn’t deny his statement.

“Look at me.” He said, ordered.

I didn’t.

He was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

“Look at me.” He said again.

There was no place to go. The wall was behind me and there was an ugly reality in front of me. I focused on my shoes. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run through the front door and keep running until I hit two years ago where my sister was still here and my mom sang me to sleep and Vanessa still made me watch movies with Brad Pitt and Jeremy was just my cousin who I never really knew.

His hand grabbed my chin roughly and he jerked my face up to look at him. I whimpered as my eyes connected with his ice blue ones. I tried to think of chocolate.

I heard my mom, humming to herself in the kitchen. She couldn’t see us. She couldn’t see what her nephew was doing to her daughter. My mouth opened and my lips parted, but before I could do anything, Jeremy pressed his face closer to mine, his chest touching mine.

“Don’t. Make. A sound.” He hissed, his eyes holding me prisoner.

“What do you want from me?” I asked, wishing I had the courage I held last time. Wishing I was the Violet who could talk back, fight back. But she was gone.

And there was only me.

“You don’t listen,” he mumbled. I could barely understand what he was saying. “You don’t listen to me.”