Kidnapped by Kylo Ren (Star Wars)

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirteen

"Good evening," I tiredly said, taking a seat next to her on the bed, "I have some excellent news for us."

Nira's eyes grew brighter. "What is it?" She immediately asked with incredible eagerness.

I couldn't help myself from smiling at her excitement. Before I spoke, I thought, I love everything about this woman.

"The treaty was passed." I stated, "And tomorrow I'll have to communicate with General Organa. I'll be informing her of the good news."

Nira grinned widely and impulsively wrapped her arms around my torso. I leaned into her adoringly as she squeezed me tighter. "That's so great!" She exclaimed against my chest.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

I stood up after Nira reluctantly released me from her hug and began to get into my sleeping wear.

"There is one downside, though. However, it is not a grand scale downfall. It only affects a few people." I forced myself to admit after much doubting. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Nira what was going on in my head, and immediately after those words left my lips I regretted them.

"What do you mean?" Nira immediately questioned curiously. I stared at my helmet that stared up at me from its spot on the dresser. The dark helmet seemed to mock me.

"I . . . Nevermind." I said, unable to face her and tell her the truth. The truth was humiliating and terrifying.

Several seconds passed before Nira timidly asked, "Will you please tell me? I feel like this downside to the treaty is . . . Affecting you."

I tensed up and clenched my fists, digging my fingernails into my palms to keep anger from rising within me. I couldn't get angry with Nira right now; I needed her more than I needed anything.

But for her to question me after I say never to mind is quite irritating.

I turned sideways so I was barely looking back at her, "I said nevermind."

Nira was silent after that.

I headed to the bathroom to continue getting ready to sleep, but the thought of speaking with my mother continued to aggravate me and tear at my mind.

I had to tell someone -- I had to tell the someone that I tell everything to. I couldn't keep the thought stowed away in the back of my head. I had to get it off of my chest.

I walked out of the bathroom, the words at the tip of my tongue. Nira glanced worriedly up at me and I could no longer hold the truth back.

"I'm afraid to talk to my mother, the General, because I am certain that she despises me and I know what I've done to hurt her and I know how easy I make it for her to hate me." I blurted.

Nira looked at me understandingly, sympathetically, and I do hate sympathy but in that moment I was okay with her giving it to me.

I sat down slowly next to her, feeling relieved that I had confessed my hidden feelings. Nira didn't place a comforting hand on me, and I was glad for that. I didn't need a hand -- I needed words.

"Kylo Ren," She started, "You're only going to have to face her once more, and for a very short amount of time. You need to be sturdy when you face her and then you will never have to do it again."

I shook my head. Those words did not comfort me. I knew I could be strong on the outside, but that wouldn't fix the internal situation.

Nira could understand from my head shake that she needed to continue.

"What do you want? From all of this?" She asked delicately and quietly. I stared at my hands that were in my lap. I knew I was slumped over and I was aware of how pathetic I must have looked.

I couldn't find the words to reply, but Nira spoke as if she could read my mind -- she knew me that well.

"You miss her?" Nira tentatively whispered. I swallowed down a giant lump that was growing in my throat. I couldn't bring myself to nod and affirm that yes, I missed her.

"You want her to love you." Nira said quietly.

I blinked and nodded. Nira had found my thoughts and taken them directly from my head.

Nira whispered, "Can I tell you something?"

My vocal chords still had no strength, so I only shakily nodded in response.

"I think she still loves you." Nira uttered gently after a few moments of silence. I frowned.

"She does not." I spoke bitterly, finally finding the power to speak only when it was self-detrimental.

Nira argued, "Kylo Ren, I seriously believe she does! She is your mother, and she is a good mother. I truly believe that Leia will love you unconditionally. She may have been in deep love with Han, but Kylo Ren, you are her son."

I was quiet as I absorbed and processed Nira's words. I knew inside that they lacked truth -- Leia couldn't possibly love me.

Nira took my silence as a chance to attempt to convince me further. "She -- "

"Stop." I quickly cut her off. I couldn't bear to listen to any more words centered around my mother.

We sat in quiet for several minutes, but there was no peace. Only a thick tension caused by the fact that we both were aware that I believed my mother was in deep hatred with me. An air of stressful disagreement floated around us as well.

"It will be okay. Let's just . . . Go to sleep." I suggested, getting up to turn off the lights only to return and slide underneath the blankets.

Nira joined me shortly after and, in the dark, whispered, "Just know that I love you."

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Author's Note

I have my first race of the season today! It's only a city-wide charity 5k but all of the girls on my cross country team are running in it so it's basically a time-trial to see who is on varsity. I'll let you know how it goes in the next update!

Okay byeeee :)