Kidnapped by Kylo Ren (Star Wars)

Chapter Twenty

  (IMPORTANT Author's Note: I just made a website for more information on my Wattpad and mainly this story! It's small right now but I think it'll grow as I write more. You'll want to check it out because it has a page about this story with some extra stuff that you might need for this chapter! Check it out at: http://flywithmyjetpack.weebly.com/ )

I didn't respond to him. He left the cell and the door shut after his furious walking out. 

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 The rest of my night was lonely and uneventful. I bathed, sat, pondered, bathed again, sat some more, pondered a second time, and slipped into my covers to try to fall asleep. 

All the while I was feeling a mixture of confusion, worry, helplessness, and disgust.

I bathed twice because I couldn't get the abominable feeling of the stormtrooper's hand off of me. I scrubbed myself with a sponge until my skin was red, raw, and bleeding in some places. I didn't mind. I felt harassed. I felt as if I didn't own myself anymore. I tried telling myself that what the stormtrooper had done wasn't a big deal, but . . . It was. 

I felt extremely violated and uncomfortable even though the stormtrooper that had brought up those uncomfortable feelings was long dead.

A lot of the time I distracted myself from those awful thoughts by attempting to decipher the true meaning of Kylo Ren's words. He called me 'his', and I really wasn't sure why. I mean, yes, technically he did kidnap me and he's training me now, but does that constitute him the right to own me? 

I didn't want it to be that way. I just wanted to be his apprentice. I didn't want to be his object. I was so completely tempted to ask him about the words he'd spoken when he would return as he promised me. The curious, innocent, and wondering part of me was all for the idea of asking; however, the realistic, intelligent, and wary part of me was all against it. I didn't know which part to listen to for varying reasons. 

If Kylo Ren were to get angry enough to kill me I don't know if it'd matter that much. My life, my entire being, was quite useless. I had no purpose at The First Order. I would never rise to become anything else. I was not powerful, mentally or physically. My home and everyone in it's destroyed. I was no use to anyone anywhere, so I don't think it'd matter that much if I died. 

But part of me, the innocent and dumb part of me, was so damn attracted to him! I wanted to know exactly what he meant when he called me his and I wanted to know why he unknowingly gave me the exciting tingly feeling in my chest. I wanted him to call me his again. 

After my isolated night, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I hope I'll be able to sleep well, I thought. So much had been on my mind I knew it'd take me ages to fall asleep. 

I was so confused in my thoughts. I was confused on whether or not I liked Kylo Ren. I was confused on whether or not I wanted to be sleeping in his bed. I was confused as to whether I was relieved or disappointed that Kylo Ren didn't come to the cell before I would fall asleep. 

He promised, I thought wistfully. 

You shouldn't think that. Stop it.

I can't even help it. 

Stop. Shut up. Stop. Stooooop.

I continued repeating the word 'stop' in my head so the thought of Kylo Ren would be pushed out but somehow he kept edging his way back into my thoughts. 

Oh well. I give up.

I was nearly asleep when I faintly heard the cell door smoothly slide open. I opened my eyes slowly and an irresistible excitement flew through my body as I heard him walk in.