Only Cry Silent Tears

Something has to Change

"Stay away from her. You hear me? You sick fucking bastard, you stay away from her.!" I yelled.

"I like this side of you Monica." He said pining me to the floor forcing my pants down. I yelled and screamed pretty sure I woke Ava up. She was yelling for me. But knew not to come out the room.

"Stop! Please don't rape me!" I begged.

"Oh no baby I won't rape you, not yet anyway Monica you're not ready." He said as he put his head between my legs. He licked me with his nasty slimy tongue. I hear girls talk all the time about how good things feel how good being touched and licked felt. But if this is how its suppose to feel I don't like it. Not at all! I started to kick but somehow he held me down. I couldn't move. I felt so dirty. Than right before he stopped he bit me. Hard. I screamed out in pain he came up laughing blood in his mouth "Monica nobody would take what's mine you understand?". I started to cry. Loud. He hated this so he stood me up and wrapped his big strong hand around my neck.

"Didn't I say silent tears!" He yelled. I couldn't say anything though all I could do was scratch at his hands hoping like hell he would let me go. I started to see bury so I knew my face was turning colors. He let me go saying over and over again silent tears. I sat on the floor gasping for air.

"Now clean this shit up!" He yelled walking to his room. I went to the bathroom. Cleaning myself. I had to change and put on a pad because of the light flow of blood that was now leaking. I went to check on Ava. Rocked her back to sleep than cleaned up. I went back to the bathroom looking into the mirror. I don't want to live like this. I don't want Ava to live like this. Looking at the girl I am today. I hope and pray that as an adult woman I wouldn't have to go through this. Something has to give. Something has to change.  I had to do something about it.

***

I had to check my private I was no longer bleeding but I was sore. Its hurt to walk at first so I had to walk around the house until I adjusted to the new feeling.

"Ava did he touch you?" I asked.

"No Monica he didn't touch me." She said still sleepy. I was up in the morning giving her the third degree. I know she felt like I was interrogating her but I just wanted to make sure he didn't do anything.

"Are you sure?" I asked checking her sheets.

"Yes I'm sure. I swear to mommy." She said. I left it making her something to eat. Went to my room to get dressed. I looked deep in my closet finding some nice fitted jeans. I bought them a while ago but never had the confidence to wear them. Rodney told me it didn't look right. His exact words were, Monica you're too big. Nobody wants to look at you. I shook the memory out my head. Putting the jeans on. It took me a while but I found my V cut spaghetti strap shirt. The bruises on my arms were already faded thanks to the cream I got from the doctors. I let my hair down finding my old flat iron. Thank god it still worked. I put some eye liner and lip gloss on. Went into my bag taking out the chain Christian gave me putting it on.

"Monica you look great." Ava said walking into my room. I walked to my full body mirror. I had on a basic pair of jeans and a shirt but it was quite different from the sweats and oversized sweaters I usually wear.

"You sure? It's not too tight to you?" I asked. This was a big step for me. I always cover my arms. I never really show my full figure. I definitely never fix my hair up. I took scissors to it myself and tried to perfect the hair cut Rodney gave me by making the bob even. I was starting to like it and once I bumped the ends it actually looked intentional.

"You look perfect." Ava smiled asking me if I can do her hair. So I did than we were on our way to school. I got to school everybody looked at me. Staring me down. Talking like always. But this time I didn't hold my head down. I wouldn't let these people get to me. I won't let them get under my skin. I said things were going to change and I meant that. I stopped when I saw Christian in his friends. He didn't spot me yet though. But Omar saw me.