Only Cry Silent Tears

Keep it on the Down Low

Monica

"I should go home." I said looking at the time.

"Can I drive you?" He asked I shook my head no getting up getting my books.

"Come on Monica, please?' He begged poking his bottom lip out. He was so corny but it was too cute. I thought about Rodney and what he said. I couldn't be seen getting out a car. He would kill me. But I didn't want to say no to Christian.

"Ok But you have to drop me off two blocks away from my house." I said.

"Why?"

"My uncle is a little....strict." I said.

"Why can't you have a boyfriend?" He asked kissing me.

"Is that what you are Christian, my boyfriend?" I asked confused. I really didn't want to get mixed up thinking this was something it wasn't. He paused for a second lloking as if he was thinking before he spoke.

"How about we talk about this in the car." He said. I nodded we walked out his room.

"Hey pretty girl you going home?" Destiny asked. I smiled saying goodnight then we walked down the steps and saw Christian's parents sitting on the couch snuggled up in eachother.

"Goodnight hunny get home safe." His mother smiled.

"Yeah dumb ass don't kill her." His father joked and I laughed Christian didn't find if funny though. He started to rush me to the door.

"Why do you even laugh at his whack ass jokes?" He asked rhetorically as we walked to his car.

"The jokes aren't funny, its the fact that he's thinks there funny is what I always laugh at." I said explaining my reason for laughing.

"He always has something to say." He said obviously bothered by his father antics.

"Aww Christian come on your father loves you." I said sitting down and he drove off.

"That's not love. He takes care of me because it's his responsibility not because he gives a shit about me."

"You're getting uneasy. How about we just not talk about that." I said looking out the window.

"Monica, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"That." He said. I laughed because he really didn't know what he was telling me not to do. So we didn't really say anything after that.

He stopped the car a good 3blocks from my house. I looked at him knowing he wanted to talk. "Ok now about us." He said.

"So us exists?" I asked.

"Yes. I want you. I just can't do us out in the open, for a while you know. Omar and them would make it too hard." He said. I was clearly disappointed.

"So I'm just another Jessica to you!" I snapped. " Someone you play around with until its ok with your boys. You know what, just forget it." I said starting to regret everything that transpired today. I knew better

"No Monica, You're nothing like her and I want to do right by you I promise, but I don't want to rush into this." He said with a serious look on his face.

"No you don't want to be seen with me you're ashamed of what people might think." I continued. I was pissed I could have gotten killed last night because of him and he scared of what his friends think?

"I'm trying to help you see where this is going before we take that next step. Letting people know would only have us spending time defending our relationship then actually having one." He explained I sighed he was kind of right.

"Ok fine whatever. So I guess I'll see you around." I said about to get out of the car but he pulled me back.

"Damn going to leave without giving me a kiss first?" He asked with a smile.

"You don't deserve it." I said but gave in anyway kissing him.

"Ok later beautiful." He said. I paused. Did he really think I was beautiful or was that a game? I smiled anyway kissing him again and getting out the car walking home. Cleaning cooking and making sure Ava was ok. I laid in bed feeling Rodney slide into bed behind me. I closed my eye's tight feeling his hands touch my body I hated this feeling but I said nothing no sounds just silent tears. I'm stuck in this dark room. Feels as if there are no windows and doors. Ava is basically my only life line. Christian is like my trusty little night light. Keeping us on the DL couldn't be that bad right. He did have a point too many people would be wondering how we started dating and I'm sure I wouldn't hear the end of it from Kayla and not to mention Jessica and her crew. I can keep a secret. I've kept secrets way darker and dirtier than this. One ore secret can't hurt, could it?