Secret Thoughts (Yoonmin) [#wattys2017]

And then-

Sometimes he wanted to die.

Honestly, he didn't even know why he thought that way. He had a good life.
And yet- every once in a while he would find himself thinking it was better if he just ended it already.

Those days were hard. He would wake up and feel exhausted. His head would hurt and his legs would take way too long to respond as he tried to stand up from his bed and walk out of his room.

He would always try to greet Seokjin with the most credible smile, and because Seokjin was always busy cooking breakfast, he wouldn't notice the pain in the face of the younger.

When the others arrived, Yoongi would have already found a way to look less sick and more like his usual self, and if, by any case, he was still feeling like shit, he would just shrug it off and say he was just tired, which the other members would comprehend, because they understood how much Yoongi worked.

Then they would leave each to their own schedule, and at four they would all meet to practice.

Practice was probably one of the hardest moments in the day, because even though he didn't have the same physical fitness as -for example- Hoseok, he'd always find a way to keep up with the strict practice, and those days, he would just feel so exhausted that it was almost impossible for him to pretend he wasn't tired.

He wouldn't sleep on their way to the dorm though. He couldn't.

The exhaustion he'd feel wasn't the one that comes after a very difficult exam or after a very intense practice. It was the one that came after realizing he was just done with living.

And it was hard.

Living.

He'd feel that way for about a week or so, and then something would happen and suddenly he didn't feel that way anymore. It usually was because of Taehyung. The younger always seemed to notice when he was down and would always try to cheer him up, being his usual weird self. 

Yoongi didn't know what it was that Tehyung did that made the pain go away, but he usually didn't give it much thought, as he was happy to go back to his usual careless self.

And then-

It took him long to realize he'd developed a crush on Kim Taehyung.

The day he found out they were heading back to their dorm. The younger had sit by his side and had fallen asleep in his shoulder. Being one of those days Yoongi couldn't sleep like the others, he watched Taehyung all the way to the dorm, and when the younger woke up and found him staring, Yoongi couldn't feel anything else but embarrassment.

Taehyung had laughed silently, and had given him a small smile before hugging him and falling asleep again.

After that he  found himself staring at the younger all the time; as he danced, as he sang, as he laughed. He'd found himself loving every single feature.

He loved his square smile, and his weird attitude towards life. He loved how cute and sexy he could be at the same time, and how cheerful he could be. And above all, he loved how he cared about him.

It was always Taehyung who would ask him if everything was okay.

It was always Taehyung who would try to make Yoongi feel comfortable.

It was always Taehyung.

And Yoongi loved that.

No.

Yoongi loved Taehyung.

And then-

It took him way longer to realize Taehyung was in love with Jung Hoseok.

The way Taehyung looked at the horse like man every time he danced. They way Taehyung laughed at his lame jokes. It was just like Yoongi would act with the younger.

At first Yoongi thought it was just his imagination, his mind playing with him.

And then-

"Hyung can I tell you something?"

"Sure"

"I think I like Hoseok Hyung"

His heart broke.

How he managed to keep his smile was still a mystery to him.

"Are you telling him?"

Taehyung had shaken his head nervously.

"What if he rejects me?"

"I don't think he would"

And Yoongi had actually wished he had.

"Actually, I think he likes you too"

And he did.

"Jinja?"

"Mhm"

"Should I tell him then?"

"Sure kiddo, give it a shot"

And Taehyung did.

And then-

Hoseok confessed too.

And then-

They went on a date.

And then-

They started dating

And then-

It didn't took him long to fall back into that exhaustion.

The tiredness consumed him once again.

But this time, he didn't have Taehyung to help him go back.

And then-

Yoongi was lost forever.