Life Changes

15. If You're Looking For Love, Know That Love Don't Live Here Anymore

AUTUMN

Louis left after a week.

It had been gradual and therefore hurt even more. Louis packed up his things slowly one by one and pretty soon he was gone before he left. He stopped sleeping in Harry's bed altogether and slept downstairs. He stopped hanging out with Harry and Isabella even when they were supposed to have Family Time in the bathtub. The last thing he did was stopped drinking the Yorkshire tea Harry would prepare for him in the mornings. Somehow, that one hurt the most.

On the last day, Louis kissed Isabella good bye and nodded curtly at Harry, not even giving him a brief kiss or a hug, and closed the door after himself. Unspoken words caught in Harry's throat and he was left standing in the hallway hugging Isabella tightly to his chest, trying and failing to breathe in air that wouldn't come.

Harry guessed they left on good terms. He didn't know anymore.

Harry never got used to sleeping alone since the first night Louis crawled in, Louis' face nuzzled on the back of Harry's neck, his arm wound protectively around him. It only made sense for Harry and Ed to pick up where they left off and invite Ed to stay with him.

After long nights of talking it out, Ed agreed and held onto Harry tighter. Ed told Harry he never wanted to lose him again. Harry imagined they were Louis' words and let Ed kiss him. It was strange. Harry was no longer sleeping alone or cooking for one, yet he still felt more alone than ever.

It wasn't as if Louis completely disappeared from Harry's and Isabella's lives. Louis came down on Fridays to have Isabella for the weekends, determined to still be present in her life. The first time Harry saw Louis again, he wanted to slap him and then kiss him senseless afterwards, ready to soothe his red cheek and hold him tightly. Instead, he told him hello and handed Isabella over to him with a haversack filled with nappies, toys and other necessities.

Life went on.

Friday rolled around lazily. Freshly baked blueberry muffins popped out of the oven, the tops warm and golden. Harry wiped his hands on his apron, smiling when Ed came in holding Isabella. His beauty never wore off, but Harry was no longer daydreaming about him. He had Ed for real this time. Ed seated Isabella in the high chair, kissing Harry warmly.

"I'm coming, Bella. I'm coming, honey. Hold on."

Harry walked over, scooting a chair closer to Isabella's high chair. He broke off a piece of warm muffin and fed it to her, Isabella humming contently and opening her mouth for more. He kind of missed the days when she would reject his cooking, the days when Louis would roam the kitchen, sneakily stealing bites of Harry's cooking and blaming it on Isabella's doing.

"Good morning, Miss Bella. I missed you. You slept so good last night. Can you say apple? Apple? Banana?" Harry snorted, looking over to Ed. "Why do I always sound like one of those dumb yellow minions when I do that? Ba-na-na."

Ed smiled at Harry, rubbing his hands together and taking a sip of tea. He swallowed around a mouthful and said, "Alright, I'd love to sit and eat, but I've got the Fender twins coming in this morning and even if I'm a minute late, they will redecorate my waiting room. Again."

"I'll see you later?" Ed asked hopefully, kissing Harry again.

"Mm-hmm," Harry hummed contently against Ed's closed lips. He pulled away and handed Ed a muffin. "Wait, take a muffin."

"Thanks. Bye, Bella." Ed bent low to kiss Isabella on her head, waving at Harry. "Bye."

"Bye," Harry repeated.

Things were good with Ed. Ed was safe. Stable. Harry needed that. What he didn't need was someone to walk out when things started to get hard. Louis was unpredictable. Although Harry loved the rush of not knowing what came next, a thrill, an adventure, he didn't need that. He didn't want that. Being with Louis was like walking on a precipice, ready to fall at any given moment. Being with Ed was sitting at home drinking tea and watching programs on the telly. Harry needed someone to stay with him through the good and the bad and Louis was not that even though Harry wanted him to be. So Harry chose Ed.