destiel one shots❀

vii. dean winchester

a/n :

I am just a mess and just I'm so so s o sorry if I'm not as active guys...

cas🐝

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dying!dean and sad boyfriend!cas

a week without him seemed like a month. a month without him seemed like a year. but now, it's been exactly two hundred- seventy- eight days without that damned winchester. that tall, arrogant prick with sparkling greens eyes and adorable freckles dotting his entire body was dying on me. his best friend.

his boyfriend of three fucking years. and i was so angry... and i was so hurt... but as i sit in this uncomfortable hospital chair for the two-hundred seventy-eighth day, i'm simply tired.

tired of the agonizing pain. tired of the false hope. tired of being angry and hurt. as i sit in this uncomfortable hospital chair, i'm so utterly tired.

the doctors talked to me about pulling the plug months ago, and i told them 'to hell with that'; however, as i hold onto my one and only' limp hand as the sound of a heart monitor beeps steadily and an oxygen mask keeps him alive, i realize holding on has hurt me more than letting go.

we pulled the plug.

dean died on a thursday( oOPS).

--two weeks later--

his funeral is today. it's april twenty-seventh. the sky is blue, but not as blue as my eyes as he would say, and the sun is bright. yet, the world is dull, slowly turning and making its way round. everyone seems upset, as if the whole nation had heard that lawrence's little local, dean winchester, had died.

many people have come. his uncle, his aunt, distant cousins, friends, and even some who have only merely heard of him. sam is a mess. he's sitting next to me in a chair, bawling and sobbing brokenly into his girlfriend's arms as the priest begins discussing dean's life.

before i can realize what i'm doing, my legs are holding me up so i stand in front of a park full of mourning people.

"y-you don't know dean damnit! if h-he was here h-he'd calm bulls-shit on you," i found myself screaming, my throat aching and cracking in odd places.

the priest didn't comment, but rather step aside. "then please mr. novak, come say a few words."

wiping my tears, i wobbled forward, muttering, "i-it's mr.winchester. w-we were enga-gaged."

when i stood crookedly in front of his casket, my heart shattered, my body went numb, and it was then i realized just how much i needed dean fucking winchester.

"i waited two-hundred seventy-eight days for him to wake up... i tried everything in the damn book, from praying to trying to sell my soul. but nothing worked. and on thursday, as i held my fiancé's limp hand, i realized holding on was doing more damage than letting go ever would. d-dean... he was so beautiful-" tears were pouring from my eyes as i choked on my words-" inside and out. and we all know this. he showed it in th-the littlest ways. the ways everyone found so insignificant even though they weren't. dean tristian winchester w-was-"

my throat got caught, my knees buckled, and I quickly fell the the ground a sobbing mess. sam, their uncle bobby, and dean's best friend benny came to my assistance despite being a mess themselves.

i swallowed thickly, untying the knot forming and quickly mumbled before completely breaking down once again," the love of my life. and i still won't let him go."

--one month later--

third person

castiel died on a thursday. exactly a month after the love of his life had. it was suicide. he left everything he owned to sam, benny, and his brother- gabriel. all he left behind was broken liquor bottles and a note.

dear whoever finds me,

i am s o sorry for this. i know who i leave behind... a broken brother-in-law... a loving older sibling...people, friends, family... people who care and swore they'd help me. and i request they know: there's no way they could have prevented this unless they locked me up in some mental asylum. because when i said i still wouldn't let him go... i meant it. sammy, stay strong. bobby and jess will take such good care of you- and dean and i will be so proud of whoever you become. gabriel, don't let this weigh down upon your shoulders- for this is what i truly want. mother, father, i know you never loved me when i was younger, and you hoped to fix this in my adult years. i know my death will have you feeling guilty; but, i forgive you. and i know your views have changed. to all i leave behind, i love you. and this is the fate I wanted.

most importantly, dean... well dean... i'll see you then.

cas