Love has no boundaries (student/teacher relationship)

Chapter twenty-five

The car trip home wasn't as comfortable as the first time I rode alone with him on that TAFE day. I didn't have the opportunity to go to TAFE with him again because someone dropped out, leaving a spot on the bus free for me. Damn you, whoever you are.

Little talk has been done for half an hour. We're nearly there and I fear of what it's going to be like once we're alone in his house. Is this going to end up being an unbearable, awkward two weeks that he ends up cancelling because he regrets it? Just talk to him, talk to him and sort everything out. Once I do that, I'll know exactly what our situation is. As I said, once I know, it will work out. I hope.

"So, how do you think your first day went?" he asks me, glancing at me then back to the road.

"Yeah, pretty good I think. Year nine and ten are little intimidating though," I reply, looking at him. When he glances at me again, I look away. No Jessica, show you love him. Shit, I just said love again. It feels so weird, but oh so right at the same time. I look back to him and keep looking. He's so handsome.

"When I did my work placement for University, I went to a huge school. Probably three times the size of this one. I was so scared to start and stand up there in front of all those students. For a week or two, I just wrote down notes. When it was time to walk into that classroom to teach for the first time, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst. My hands were sweaty and my throat went dry. Throughout all of Uni before then, I thought I wouldn't care when I stood in front of students and teach. But I did, I cared a lot. But when I started, the students were so patient with me and didn't laugh or make fun of me when I lost where I was going with the lesson. It helped me gain my confidence and when I started my next class, I was ready and had little doubt in myself. But when I mucked up half way through, they laughed and called me stupid. Yes, it set me back a lot, but then I faced that there are going to be the bad, shitty classes. But there are going to be so many more good ones. So don't let one class, or even a few, let your mind sway to not wanting to go through with your dreams. Promise me that," he tells me, looking at the road and looking at me at the end.

I'm so surprised to hear that. The way that he is when he's teaching, so confident and calm, I would have never thought that's how he once felt. Everyone has to start somewhere and build I suppose. Like us...we've started. Now we just have to build.

"I promise," I say lightly. "I would have never guessed that's how you used to feel. You just seem so... confident when you teach. I really thought that's how you've always been. Thank you Ryan, that really did help."

"I guess we all have to start somewhere," he says. Is he thinking the same thing as me? About us? Maybe he doesn't regret it. Argh, this is so back and forth, all these thoughts and feelings, swirling around us. It's painful. But he said he loves me. He wouldn't tell me that if he didn't want to do anything with it. It's just not who he is.

"I guess we do," I said. I don't know if I meant humans in general or if I was talking about us. Whichever one he chooses, I don't care.

Silence fills the rest of the trip. I don't know if it's only me, but it felt more comfortable than before. I think we're already going back to how it was before. But this time, it will be better. Better because we both know how the other person feels. Better because we'll be together.

He pulls up the Chevy in his driveway and helps me take in my luggage. When he closes the door behind us I thank him, then just stand there, not sure what to do next. There isn't much that I can do.

"Want to see your room?" he asks me, wheeling the suitcase again as he walks through the house. He seems to have instantly become more comfortable once inside his house.

"Sure, thank you." I pick up the bags again and follow him. He walk up the stairs, easily picking up the suitcase in one hand. Damn, sir. The house is just as I remember it. Clean, shiny, and cosy. But also lonely. The house is too empty. How long has he been living alone?

We walk down a hallway and pass the door that I think leads to the guest bathroom. So many memories and feelings flood their way in. I sigh sadly as we pass it. Will it go back to that? To being comfortable?

"What's wrong?" Ryan asks and stops walking. He looks at me with narrowed eyes.

"Nothing, I'm all good," I say, giving him a smile that I hope looked at least half real.

"What's wrong?" he asks again, letting go of the suitcase and walks closer to me. I look up from the ground and into his eyes. He's right in front of me, looking down at me, still with those narrowed eyes.

"Is it about before? In the classroom?" he asks, face becoming more worried.

"No. Well, yes, but not just that," I tell him, looking away.

"You can talk to me Jess, you know that." Here it goes.

"Will it go away? This awkwardness and tension, I just want it to go away. I want it to be like before. But I don't regret the kiss. I don't regret anything but this uncertainty. Do you regret it?" I blurt it all out, not thinking about what I'm saying, because I know I wouldn't have the guts to say it. He just looks at me, face softening in relief.

"No, of course I don't regret it. I hate this tension too, it's just I wanted to give you your space to think about it. You can walk away and get out if you want, you have a choice. But if you want to stay here, with me, you can stay. I love you and understand your choice, whatever that may be." His eyes never left mine. They hooked mine and kept them as he spoke. My eyes prick with tears. He has the power to make me cry of happiness with just a few words. What is this man doing to me? I love it. I love him.

"I love you, Ryan. I love everything about you and would give up everything to be with you. I don't want to turn around and walk out of this. I've been waiting and hoping for it to start for so long and it finally has. We took that step and I don't want to go back. This is what I want and all I need. You are all I need."

He smiles down at me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. My arms snake around his waist and hold on tight. I never want to let go. I never to be let go. His warm breath hits the back of my neck and makes my stomach flutter in only a way he is capable of. He pulls back a little and kisses my forehead. "Is this better now? Are we better?" he asks me, lips against my forehead.

"Perfect," I smile, eyes closed.

He lets me go and stands back. I look at him, eyebrows creased. His smile is joyous but something is hid underneath. Something that lights his eyes more than ever. My breath catches as he lowers himself to one knee in front of me. Oh my god, what is he doing? He takes my right hand and holds onto it gently.

"Jessica. I love you more than I have ever loved before. When we're together, I am constantly happy and I never want to lose that. I want to be with you for as long as you want to be with me. Jessica, will you be my girlfriend?" he looks up at me with hopeful eyes. Not where I thought he was going, but I am more than happy. I let go of a deep, shaky breath. He asked me to be his and for he to be mine.

"Yes! Yes, of course I will be your girlfriend. I will always want to be your girlfriend. I love you too Ryan," I say, eyes tearing again. He laughs with joy and slips a thin, golden ring around my index finger.

"It's so beautiful, I don't even know what to say. Thank you, thank you so much!" he stands up and I wrap my arms tightly around him. He holds me close and kisses my neck.

"Think of it as an early birthday present," he says, pulling back, arms still wrapped around my waist. I smile up at him and then he leans in. I close my eyes as our lips meet and kiss him tenderly. His lips gently move against mine and then stop to kiss my forehead.

I've always loved the forbidden love concept, the whole idea of it. That one person can love another so much that they would sacrifice near everything just to be with them. And I have that with the man of my dreams. We have that together.