Love has no boundaries (student/teacher relationship)

Chapter Thirty-one

"Nothing, just getting ready to start our next class," Ryan says, trying to sound casual, but I can hear the fear in his voice.

"I tripped over and he helped before I face planted. You just have impeccable timing skills," I laugh, trying to push him away from what he is obviously thinking.

"Mmm, sure." Then he walked past, papers in hand and a piercing stare for us each. I watch as he exits the room, looking back at us once more before walking out the office door. I look back at Ryan with fearful eyes and my heart beating out of control. For once, it's not from pleasure but downright terror. His eyes reflect my own and that only scares me more.

We take another step away from each other as other teachers start to come in. He packs up the papers neatly into his suitcase and I grab my backpack, cautious of my every move near him. I cannot believe that we just let that happen. How could we be so reckless? In the staff lounge of all places!

I wipe my hands on my trackies, trying to get rid of the sweat. But it's no use. I can actually feel my pulse throughout my body and my mind is wretched with panic.

We don't mention it. For the rest of the day, we deliberately ignore the fact that a teacher had walked in on us being so close. Yes, it could have been worse, we could have been kissing. But I'm sure the closeness we've always had doesn't factor well in our justifications.

Ryan taught the next four classes well and I stood beside him, with distance and a ghostly look on my face I bet, as I helped. I was, am, too full of fear to care what the classes thought when I lost track of my teaching from time to time. Great first attempt at teaching... not. Even Ryan got confused and distracted at times. I don't know if the other students noticed or not, but it's up to Mr Grayson if everyone starts getting their assumptions or starts tying things together. I didn't even talk to Vie about it, I just stayed by Ryan all day. Dick move for our friendship, but I don't want to leave him in case he is taken away when I'm gone.

This could be the end of us. It only just started and already we have been caught doing something out of the ordinary. Did we really think we could have pulled this off for another year and a bit?

We get in his car and I let out a deep breath as I sink into the chair. The roar of the engine and the hum of the car beneath me settles me slightly. We don't say anything until we are well away from school.

"That shouldn't have happened," he said, looking at the road with a blank expression.

"I know."

"I should have been more careful. I'm sorry, Jess."

"It wasn't just you, Ryan. It was me too," I assure him, looking across at him but he doesn't look at me.

"Ryan," I say, trying to make him look at me. "Ryan." I say it more sternly this time. He looks at me long enough to give me a smile then turns his attention back onto the road. I know that it was forced though. It pains me to see him like this, he's never like this and I want to help. But I don't know how.

"He can't get us in trouble for that, Ryan. If he does tell someone, we'll just tell the truth. I tripped and you helped me before I fell. They have no evidence of anything."

"But I should have been more careful. What would have happened if someone walked in when I kissed you yesterday? Jess, I should've never done that at school." His voice is strained and it scares me.

"I'm not just some little girl that doesn't know what she's getting into! I know the risks and I was in the wrong just as much as you, okay? We just have to be extra careful from now on." I didn't mean to raise my voice, but it's the truth.

"I'm sorry, Jessica, I know that you're not a little girl. I know exactly just how strong and mature you are." He lets one hand go of the steering wheel and takes my hand in it, squeezing it slightly. "I just. I just don't know what I would do if I we got separated." It has dawned on me before, the risk of being caught and him going to jail, but it's like it hit me twice as hard this time. We really would be separated and there would be no going back.

I don't say anything. What can I say to that? 'It's okay, everything will work out'? I'd just be lying. To both him and myself. We could have gone too far today for just a split moment. He would have seen and we wouldn't be sitting in his car together right now. We'd probably be sitting at a cop shop being asked a thousand questions and being stared down like we did by Mr Grayson. I don't see why it's so bad for a student and teacher to be together. Who the hell came up with that rule? Abuse of authority my ass. And we can't be frowned upon for the age gap, he's only four years older than me and I'm considered a legal adult this Saturday. Shit, I just realised that's when we have to go to his sister's house. Yeah, come on, just keep throwing all this fucking shit at us! Just watch us, we'll come out on top.

I obviously don't believe that. The tear that slips down my check proves it. What happens if we get separated? I don't think I could live without him after these years of falling in love with him.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay, don't cry." He looks over to me and wipes the tear away with the hand that was holding mine, flicking his eyes back and forth from the road. Always responsible. Always there for me.

He takes a hold of my hand again and I try to blink away the rest of the tears that are filling up in my eyes, but it just makes them fall. I'm sick of pretending to be strong all day. I just need to cry, let it out. And I do just that. I cover my face with the palms of my hands and sob into them.

"I. I was. Just so scared of losing you," I sob. "I don't know what I would do without you."

He takes his hand away and puts in back on the steering wheel. What? Why did you let go? He slows down the car and pulls it onto the side of the road. He turns the engine off and unclips his seatbelt so he can wrap an arm around my shoulders. I take my own seatbelt off and sink into his body, letting the slow rise and fall of his chest against my ear calm me down. He holds me close in both arms, wrapped tightly around me and has his head resting on my own.

His voice is low as he whispers and it vibrates his chest as he speaks. "No one is separating us, okay? No one. We didn't give do anything for them to go to the cops about. I was just a concerned teacher who helped a student who was about to fall."

"Okay," I breathe. Hearing him say it makes it so much more believable. I finally regain myself but he doesn't let go. He holds me closely for another five or so minutes.

"I don't know what I would do either," he says, breaking the long held, but comfortable silence.