On Tour

Chapter 41- Thick and Thin

Previously-
"Josh, I-I'm pregnant." I can't bring myself to breath, for the intensity in the room is at an all time high. He stands up, considering this for a moment, taking both my hands in his, smiling he says, "Lily that's amazing! "Josh." I interrupt as he goes on, "It's ok! I've always wanted to have a kid, and with you as a mom," "josh." "t-this is great! This is amazing news, This i-" "Josh! I'm  pregnant and  ITS NOT. YOUR. KID!" I scream.

The room is still, all is silent except our heavy breathing. We just stare back at one another. Josh is hurt and I can tell it in facial expression and his eyes. "Josh," I say guilty, as he looks up, his eyes already watering. "It's not what it seems like." He blinks for a while, tries to speak but shuts his mouth, he does this several times before he says, "What is it suppose to seem like then lily? What am I not understanding here? You cheated, it's plain and simple. I don't believe for a second you cheated, I trust you, but I don't understand how else this could of happened if it's not mine. How do you know it's not mine?" He says looking up at me, defeated. "Fraternal test." I say a tear rolling down my cheek. "Then, then, y-you cheated." He says, tears start to stream down his face as he sits back down, setting the ring on his side glass table. I inhale shakily, "Your right. I cheated. You know this guy, and once you figure out who it is, I figure you'll be alright with it, at least I pray and hope you will be accepting of it." He stands up, all color from his face recedes. His sadness turns to pure worry as he spits out at me, "Accepting? And how do I know this guy? How could you- oh my- oh my god. I don't trust this for a seconds-there's now way- y-you would do this-It can't be tyler. There's now way." He says trying to figure out, I bite my lip and look down at the bed feeling the wave of pure guilt crash into me. "No... no, no, no, no." Josh says putting his hand to his forehead sitting back down. I bite my lip and look down at him. "Does my rapist ring a bell?" I say, I can't read his emotion now, weather it's relief, hatred, anger, guilt, I can't read him. I throw myself back on the bed and look up at the ceiling. I can't read my own emotion either. You know, it's the first time, I've said it out loud. It's me and my rapist's baby. Ironic really? That my all time high is also my all time low. I focus on my breathing, it's too late to abort, although, abortion was never really an option for me. I hear Josh get up and lay in the bed next to me. He looks up at the ceiling too, for a while we just sit there, staring at the ceiling in silence. Pondering, and lost in our thoughts. Answers. That's all anyone wants in life is, answers. Answers, are also what both of us are in high need right now. Josh grabs my hand and slips on the rose gold diamond ring. "Through thick and thin." He says. "In life and in death." I say, turning over to look at him. Both of our faces are tear stricken and wet. We lock lips and for a moment, every question is answered, every void is filled, everything, in that moment is clarified that it's going to be ok. "I do." He says ending our kiss, I smile at him, "I do too." I say. We hold each other and Josh reaches over for the light switch, I pull the satin sheets over our bodies. We hold each until we fall asleep.