Love to Hate You

Chapter Four

I scowl and clench my jaw. Sean doesn’t move. He just stands there with a mic in one hand and the other limp at his side.

“Why?” Sean asks Justin apprehensively.

“We’re putting on a show! Now do it!” Justin barks loudly and the room buzzes with silence. Neither of us dare to move. Justin’s eyes glide over Sean and I and then he growls loudly. “Austin, Kris play the first line.  Alex play something.  You two know the words, don’t you?” he turns to us.

“Y-yes.” I stutter. Sean nods.

“Fantastic.”

Alex starts wailing on his drums, trying to follow what Austin and Kris are doing. Justin looks at me expectantly.

“Sing and look at him like he’s everything, like he’s the air you breathe. Do it!” he orders at me, the vein in his temple protruding and his face reddening considerably, the ugly showing through his handsome features.

My tongue sticks and my throat seems to swell. I know I’ll have to sing something before Justin really gets mad.

Hesitantly, I look up at Sean, seeing my reflection in his eyes. He looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. Licking my lips, I finally force the first line of the song out.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

My voice is scratchy and unsure, the frustration forcing pressure and shakiness in place of the melodious sound that is usually in its place. 

“Look at him!” Justin hollers over the instruments. My eyes have left Sean’s, but snap back at Justin’s command. Tears and anger are threatening to boil over. Sean’s hand twitches, wanting to reach forward and comfort me, but holding back because Justin’s controlling gaze is on us.

Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb

My voice cracks on the last word and I swallow thickly, unable to take my eyes away from Sean face, soft with worry. I feel like Justin is testing us, although I don’t know why.

I’m about to start the next word of the song when Justin’s voice booms over the instrumentals, again.

“Caress his face, won’t you, Reese?”

I blink multiple times and turn to face Justin, who’s closer than I thought. He leans forward to whisper in my ear. “For the audience, Reese.”

Except there isn’t any audience, but I’m afraid of Justin. My hand is shaky as it comes to touch Sean’s face. His eyes are a piercing blue, watching me. Everything about me is trembling. Justin’s so close to me I can feel the rise and fall of his chest on my back. I’m feeling a kind of pressure I’ve never felt before. One that determines what will happen in the few weeks that are to come. I can’t break, not yet, no matter how badly I just want to run, to catch my breath. I have to stay here and fight back against whatever Justin is doing.

Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

Determination crosses my eyes even though my legs shake and my fingers stroke Sean’s cheekbones painfully slow. An internal struggle to fight through the nervousness and the stress.

until you find it there and lead it back home

“Keep going!” Justin orders and my stomach drops further.

Wake me up

Sean sings roughly into Justin’s microphone. His voice is lower and more gravelly then Justin’s. He pulls away from me at Justin’s command and that fraction of a second allows me to catch my breath again, but barely.