Love to Hate You

Chapter Five

Sitting on the living room couch Sunday morning, I flip through the channels absentmindedly. Let’s just say, since Friday’s little incident with Justin things have been kind of hazy up in the thinking region. Lots of things have been going through my mind, but mostly I’m beating myself up about this whole arrangement. Was I really that stupid? I know I can be rash, but come on I didn’t want this to happen.

Justin’s been playing it up. I’ve never had his number before this because I didn’t want it. Now, according to him, it’s necessary that we have each other’s phone numbers. I had very reluctantly handed mine over and ten minutes later received a very flirty text, which I wasn’t so appreciative of. I had sent a sarcastic text back and he scolded me for not taking this trial seriously. How am I supposed to take this seriously? This whole system is whacked up!

I stop on the channel hosting America’s Next Top Model and decide to stay and watch the drama. Speaking of drama…

Sean. It’s like I can’t get this guilty feeling out of my head. It’s like I’m conflicted or something! I don’t like Sean. No way. He’s a close friend, but I don’t want him that close. Sure, we had our moments back when we were in Karma and it just felt comfortable around him. Now, he’s gone and complicated things.

How am I supposed to focus on a pretend relationship with Justin if I feel guilty about hurting some other guy’s feelings? It’s like I was plagued with drama, like God put a huge target mark on my face and demanded that drama hit me as many times as possible. What is that all about?

 First, I get with the band and A.J. points out that I’m changing. Then, I get kicked out of the band and take Sean and Austin with me, hurting Austin’s relationship with Kris. Of course, I had to go and tick my mom off by dying my hair red. I got accepted back into the band and fixed Austin and Kris’ relationship. But, I had to go and ruin everything by being sassy on stage with Justin and proving to my mom that I’m clearly not the person she thought I was. Boom, forced out of the band and Mom and I aren’t talking. To make things worse, two guys just have to be crushing on me. It’s like I’m trouble personified. It just won’t leave me be.

But, things with Justin and I are on the down-low right now. He claims he hasn’t told the band anything. He wants to save that for my birthday for some reason. I’m hoping that because it is my birthday that Sean won’t do anything to Justin when he announces that we’re “together”. I’m crossing my fingers and praying he’ll be smart enough to just let it go and move on. Sean always seems like a go-with-the-flow type person anyway so maybe we’re all safe. Maybe I’m just overreacting.

“Watching this again?”

I shake my head, clearing my thoughts and turn to the person standing in the entryway of the living room.

I hum, nodding enough for him to see and turning back to the show I really wasn’t paying attention too before.

I hear A.J. let out a breezy laugh and walk across the thick carpet floor to sit beside me with a piece of toast in hand, the butter dripping off the sides onto his fingers.

“Best television series ever.” He smiles and leans back to watch. I know he only likes this show because there are hot girls parading around in skimpy clothes.

“We’re not objects.” I remind him, giving him a little glare before turning back to the box television set.

“Oh, of course not.” He assures me playfully.

I hum suspiciously at him and try to pour out as much attention at the screen as I can. No more thinking about Justin or Sean. I’m starting to think it’s affecting my health.