Love to Hate You

Chapter Three

“Typical,” he scowls, “just typical. I knew it. I knew he would try that.”

“Sean,” I whine. He’s not being very helpful with providing me with an explanation, at all. If anything, he just looks upset and he won’t tell me why. Well, I guess that’s obvious, but I need him to explain Justin’s actions to me, because right now I feel awfully violated and used.

Sean pushes off the wall and comes forward to push me back. My legs hit the edge of the bed, so I sink down. He then kneels in front of me, his eyes scanning my face.

He looks wary at first, but nods, seemingly to himself, in preparation of what he’s about to tell me. Sighing, he begins, “Sex…is sort of a link with emotional attachment.”

“And…” I urge him on, my face reddening considerably.

He runs a hand down the part of his face not covered with his glasses and bounces a little with anxiousness.

“He didn’t mention me, did he?”

I nod, “He asked what we were doing after the gig. He thought we—did stuff.” I say, my face flushing further.

Sean takes in the information and then continues on, “He thinks he’s losing you, I think. He can’t lose you, naturally. You’re in the band because of him and your relationship with him sort of seals the deal—you know, that you’re not going to leave the band. However, I think my presence threatens him. I think he knows I know things about him. So, I’m a threat to his plan. He believes that he’s got to get even closer to you to make sure you don’t leave him when he’s in the perfect position to get what he wants. Fame. Sex is the perfect emotional attachment. It’s an easier and faster way to keep you close. Therefore, it’s the perfect tool,” he tells me. “Now, I could be wrong, but with everything I’ve learned about him, I think I’ve got the right idea. He’s used sex to get what he wants, before. You know that girl he used to get you jealous in the first place? He had sex with her to get her to do it.”

“What?” I say in disbelief, and the anger swells inside me, “Sean, that’s a bit too much credit to give to Justin, don’t you think?”

He shakes his head, “He’s smart. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen his grades, but they’re flawless. He’s not just smart, but naturally smart. Everything comes to him easily. I know grades aren’t a sure indicator, but that plus his charismatic qualites. C’mon, Reese. I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”

I sit there stunned, so hurt and shocked I can’t harness enough energy to form words, much less think up a sentence that makes any sense. I can’t believe he had the nerve to do all of this to me, to come up with such a nasty plan. A plan to ensure he gets exactly what he wants, by any means he wants. The news is painful to think about, but I’ve cried too much and I don’t want to do it again. My coping method this time: silence.

I let the silence allow the news to sink in completely, to let my brain catch up, my heart catch up, to let my blood boil, and the adrenaline to explode throughout my body. Soon, my heart is beating fast and my whole body is tense with rage.

Sean looks up at me from where he kneels. His face turns concerned and he reaches up shake me a little, but I don’t even acknowledge him. I’m long gone, soaring through a world of anger. My whole world has suddenly become red.

“I want him to hurt like this,” I say suddenly, “I want him to know what this feels like, because it sucks! It’s the worst feeling in the entire world to know that you were nothing, to know that you were used!”

“Reese,” Sean tries in an attempt to calm me down, to sooth me. I ignore him.

“He needs to understand how bad and how broken everything seems. How stupid you feel!” I continue.