The Ride

Chapter XIV

Normality and happiness are two things I've been missing in my life. With the breakup, drugs, fights and everything else happening all at once it was getting hard to just breath. But ever since the night of our magical date, Ben never misses an opportunity to put a smile on my face daily. There hasn't been any drama so I'd say I'm pretty close to being normal again.

My mom seems to be warming up more to my relationship with Ben. He can now wait inside instead of waiting in his car, we even hung out at my house a couple of times. There's nothing more awesome than two of the most important people in your life getting along. I guess that's the reason why Ben always wants me to hang out with his sisters, and mom sometimes. Although he makes it seem like a coincident, I'm old enough to differentiate between coincidence and intention. One time he pretended to have forgotten his wallet at home, just to go back to find both his sisters home playing scrabble and they insisted we join them. Coincidence? I think not. I'm not complaining though, its actually nice that a guy wants you to get close to his family. It shows commitment and the potential of how far your relationship is headed.

Natalie and Ben haven't made up yet but it doesn't bother me anymore. Both sides are good to me so why should I force them to be good to each other. None of them talks about the other so more peace for me.
As for the Sip and Kevin saga, I've decided to follow their advice and keep my nose out of their business. Who knows how long this has been happening? And who am I to try and help Sip if he clearly doesn't need my help? Kevin can kick the shit out of him in front of me all day, all I'll do is call the paramedics and walk away. That's what he wants right??

My life is a smooth ride now and I'd like to keep it that way. That's why I'm eliminating all the shit from it. No more over thinking situations or trying to understand. If it's not my business I'm walking away.

"Where are you tonight?"
As usual Ben notices everything. I'm distracted and he can tell.

"Right here with you." I turn to him, determined to keep my attention there.

"So I was asking, seafood or Chinese?"
"Seafood" I wanted to try Chinese but I was afraid it would come with those sticks things and I have no clue how to use them. Not in the mood for Ben to play "tutor of the fine life".

"Chinese it is" he said dialing a number on his phone. I gave him a dirty look.

"Joking Mimi, what's with you tonight?"
Before I could soothe he was speaking into the phone, ordering the food.
To be honest I didn't know why I was in such a mood. That time of the month must be around the corner.
Besides me feeling down for no particular reason, our night was we'll spent. I just wasn't good company so I was happy when he finally drove me home, some alone time will do me good.

"You home early today" my mom commented before I could even close the door.

"Yea I'm a bit tired, I need to lie down."

"Before you go, a letter arrived for you."
My mom said with caution in her voice. But why would she caution me about a letter? I must be hearing things.

"Okay"
I looked at her expectantly. And she pulled the letter out of her back pocket.
"No envelope?" I asked surprised.
My mom never opens my letters, even if it's clearly school related, so why would she start now.

"Uhm no, go read it" she said and walked towards her room.
I inspected the letter. It was a torn  page of an exercise book, dirty, old and  wrinkled. Looked like it passed through too many hands before it got here. Is my mom passing on chain letters now, I couldn't help but wonder.

I opted to shower and get dressed for first before opening my letter.
I unfolded the overly folded page slowly, careful not to tear it, it seemed fragile and worn out. An inner page fell out when I had completely unfolded it. A two pages chain letter, great. Before I could start reading my phone rang.

"Hey" I answered.
"Hey you, feeling better?" Ben asked.
"Yea sorry about earlier, I don't know. . ."
"It happens don't worry about it."
Always so understanding.
"I guess." I said not knowing how else to respond.
"I love you okay, no matter what and whatever happens I'm not going anywhere Mimi"
Ben always had a habit of saying and doing things out of the blue. Why he was getting sentimental I wouldn't know.
"I love you too B."
"Don't go loving anyone else" he joked.
"Never." I told him and meant it.
"Goodnight babe"
"Night B"
I smiled sheepishly for a couple of minutes before reaching for the two pages.

As I read the letter I thought to myself that this can't be true, it cannot be happening. Who does he think I am Elizabeth and himself Mr Darcy? Just when I thought I have found peace, someone had to stir up the volcano.
I read it three times and still it made no sense.

My dear Tammy

People change, feelings sometimes get hurt but love should stay the same. True love doesn't alter as alterations come. To say I love you is an understatement, you are my life.

All that I have done since 11 May 2010 is for and about you. I regret not informing you of my plans but I assure you I never meant to hurt you. What you saw at the restaurant was nothing but a misunderstanding.

Remember when we were young, when we were blessed with a gift we couldn't take care of, a gift we had to give up. That was her and her foster mother. The little happy girl is our long lost daughter. I have been tracking her down since I got into the military. I felt we were ready to take care of what's ours.
I'm sorry for opening old wounds. I didn't want to inform you until I was sure. The weekend I couldn't make it home, when I stood you up, I was called in for DNA tests which came out positive, she is our daughter. The only way to keep it a secret was to stay away, I was never able to keep anything from you.

I have plans for us, I always had plans for us. I knew from the start that I want a life with you. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, no one better to raise my kids and no one extraordinary enough to grow old with. I have a ring for you, money for lobola but before I can ask for your hand in marriage, I need to know "can we raise our daughter together?"
We were young when we gave her up but now we are older, more mature to be good parents.

Tammy I cannot live without you, I cannot live without a part of me being in the care of someone else. I hope I'm not asking too much.
Will you become my wife and mother to our daughter?

I hope this letter found you in time.

Forever yours
Dan

The second letter was telling me of his whereabouts and when he expects to be home, which was this Friday.

I couldn't sleep. Over the years I successfully forced myself to forget about the baby I had when I was a teenager. Now I felt like such an animal, no human can completely forget their own flesh and blood. And how can I doubt Dan's love for me? We've been through so much together, we have a baby for God's sake. And when it gets a little rocky, what do I do? move on to the next hot thing before giving him a chance to explain. I feel like such an idiot.

Why didn't this letter come before I got into the BMW? Where was it when my heart was breaking into a million pieces? when I was falling for Ben? It was probably just waiting for the dust to settle so it can stir up the dirt again.

Now there's Ben and Dan is coming back in three day's time. I have three days to decide between a fairytale and the old gangster love. Never have I thought I would have a hard time choosing Dan over anyone.

I love Ben. But if I choose him I stand to lose my daughter again. Does he have enough power to fight for us, my daughter and I? Or am I bringing along too much baggage.

Dan is and will always be a part of me. Am I ready to forget all the heartache he inflicted? Won't he abandon us again? How long is he guaranteed to live? I don't want to be a young widow of a soldier. Should I take a chance with him or kill the love now before I'm forced to mourn for it?

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