Putting the Pieces back together (outsiders fanfic: sequel to broken to pieces

Chapter 19: deep chats

Kali's pov

I snuggled up in Soda's bed. The sheets smelled like him. His scent just made me a happy girl.
I laid on my back and looked down at my old beat up wrists. Lines had covered them, lines that used to bleed, put me to sleep and just comfort me in a strange way. The lines reminded me of how much I hated myself. I really did hate myself a few months back. It's crazy to think how far I've come. I used to live in that terrible house with my ragged sister and hideous mother. Newspapers covered my windows to keep out light. I remember thinking, allowing light into my room is like opening the door to goodness and happiness, something I thought I really didn't deserve. I thought back to looking into the mirror and seeing a fat girl when really I was a toothpick. A year ago I would've literally died if I saw how huge I was now. Being this big now was a good thing because it meant my baby was happy and healthy. My child will never go through what I went through. Maybe one day they will lose a parent too young but that doesn't mean the other parent won't stop living and stop taking care of them. If I die, Sodapop will do anything in his power to keep our child happy. And I would do the exact thing. I'm praying that I never lose Sodapop and he never loses me because we already lost each other for a few years and we all saw how that turned out. I never want my child to go through what I did. Losing my father was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. Some people might call 'BS' and say depression was the worst thing but my fathers death was the beginning and I guess I never actually got over it until Sodapop filled that part of my heart a year ago.
Now that I did all that thinking I wasn't very tired, I still laid there, staring at he ceiling just taking it all in. I forced myself to close my eyes after 20 minutes of just wondering off in my mind. I figured we didn't need to dig much deeper because if we did I would probably end up having a panic attack or something.
I fell asleep for about a half an hour. It was a full 30 minutes of me tossing and turning. I don't know if I had a nightmare or if I was just still thinking about last year, all I remember was Ponyboy shaking me awake.
"What's the matter?" I jumped up.
"Nothing. You just weren't sleeping very well. I could hear you moving around all the way downstairs so I figured you should be woken up." Pony told me and sat down on the bed. He twiddled the sheets with his fingers. The bed him and his brother used to share. I felt so bad about taking over his room.
I looked down, "Hey, I'm sorry."
Pony's head shot up, as did mine.
"About what?" He asked very dumbfounded. He looked so confused. I would've been too, this came out of nowhere.
I gripped his shoulder and gave it a nice squeeze. "For having to put up with me. And for taking your room."
"You know I don't mind sleeping on the couch. Anyways Darry is cleaning out the attic and i can live up there."
"You know it's going to be 1000 degrees up there, right?" I laughed.
"I figured I could fight through it." Pony gave my shoulder a nudge.
"I'm not sure what we're going to do once this comes out." I pointed to my stomach and flopped down on the bed. Pony followed my lead and laid next to me with his hands behind his head.
"He loves you so much." Pony spoke softly, changing the subject probably because he felt uncomfortable talking about child birth.
I grinned, "I know. I love him too. He brought out the person I never knew was inside of me." I bit on my thumb nail out of habit.
"He is going to make such a great father, he's so excited for the little guy."
"Oh, I know. We talk about baby names almost every night."
"What are you guys thinking?" Pony was very interested.
"I want to find out the gender before I get my hopes set on a name." I rubbed my stomach.
"Ahhh I see. All I know is that I am going to be scared to death when I hold it." Pony propped himself up on his elbows.
"You want to know what I know?"
Pony nodded.
"I know that you're going to make the greatest uncle."
Pony scoffed. "You really think so?"
"I know so! You can teach him how to read or her how to run. You will be such an inspiration. You're the brightest out of the gang, Ponyboy. You're going to be looked up to by this baby." I rolled over on my side and kissed Pony's blushing forehead.
"Thanks Kali Iris. I needed to hear that." Pony then got up out of bed. "Let's go!"
I gave him an odd look, like, 'what in the world are you talking about?'
"Let's go see your fiancé. He's probably missing ya like crazy." Pony helped the blimp out of bed.
I slung my arm around the boy and we made our way into the blazing heat of the summer day in Tulsa, OK.

a/n
Hey readers! If you read this story then you probably read my other stories and you know I'm a very busy girl so if y'all could do me a favor and go read my last message I posted and comment on it that would me so fantastic. It's basically about which story you want me to put all my time into so I can finish it and not half ass it. Ya feel? So please let me know so I can get to work before school starts in two weeks!