Day Without June : a legend fanfic [COMPLETED]

Chapter 9

Well, thank god I saved that girl from the scene.

I heard that the fighters during that Skiz fight were all arrested - including Kaede. I try not to worry about them but I just can't stop thinking that they will be questioned about me. These people here at Lake know me.

The only reason they don't turn me in, despite the reward the Republic has promised, is because they don't object my actions. They are my supporters in the shadow.

The images of my father after his interrogation keeps appearing before my eyes - both his arms broken, his face covered in blood...

If the Republic wants to find out about me by questioning them, there is no doubt they will succeed. And then I can only imagine what the hell is going to happen to my family. I can swear that the Republic will get their hands on my family first just to see my suffer, and then they'll either find me or Tess. Either way, my family, Tess, and I will all be dead in no time.

But I guess I can live with the fact I am going to die. If my death can get the people to step up and change the Republic - or destroy it for once and for all, for everyone's good...well, that's a hell of a price to get this goddy country's politicians to finally wake up, but it's worth it.

What I can't stand is the REALITY. I know by my heart that none of this will happen. No matter who die, how many die, the Republic will never change. I know they will make an example out of me, and although there sure as hell will be people protesting at my execution, they will be dead in no time, too.

Eden's condition is getting worse by every second. He could walk around, pretending he is a little engineer, just a few days ago, but now I can clearly see he's sick. He's lost weight, and he stays in bed most of the time. His skin is turning into this sick green color.

Again, the despair sinks into me.

I'm alive, but my family doesn't know that. In my Mom and Eden's memories, I am only history. Do I even take that of a big part in their lives? How many times do they think of me as they ar abused and humiliated by the Republic? I guess I'll never know.

I have to push away the urge to cry, to scream out loud. I want to ask why the hell my life has turned out this way. Something inside me is boiling, and I have to get it out. I have to get it all out.  During all this time on the street, I can literally count how many times I cried out loud.

Crying, that only tells everyone that I'm breaking down. That I am on the edge, or perhaps, already tipped down from the edge. That's it the end of me.

And I can't do that. I can't break down. I can't give up. Tess is still with me, and with me gone, no one will be able to take care of her. She won't be able to survive on the streets alone. She's not as agile as me, nor in better shape. Her medical skill won't help because she's not even on that goddy Republic data and if she shows up, they will most likely interrogate her, and we all know what's gonna happen to her then.

She'll come out crippled permanently, or she'll never come out at all, never able to see the light again. When they find out that she's from Lake, well, they'll definitely question about me.

And there's just no way she won't give up the information.

If she chooses not to say it, well, they'll make her admit that she knows me. They'll do that to anyone from Lake, because those mindless soldiers are just worthless piece of shit. They'll torture them until they lie about knowing me.

Only God knows what's going to happen to the ones who actually know me.

Eden...he may never be able to see me again. The Republic's going to let him die out just like that. He'll never be able to take the Trial, never be able to go to Upper School or College or work.

Well, that's when he passes the Trial.

I failed the Trial...or at least that's what the Republic told me. But I was so sure I aced it. My physical exam was great, and there wasn't a single question I didn't know from the written exam, and I thought I answered the interview questions they way those officials wanted to hear.

I guess not.

Maybe it's better for Eden to die just like that. At least he'll be with our family at his last moment. It's whole lot better than turning out to be like me.

Experimented, abused, annihilated, hunted.

I never expected my life to be like this. There were times when I thought I could bring my family some money, when I thought if I tried hard, we could live happily ever after, without any worries about money or our next meal.

I planned a lot of things when I was young. I thought I'd be able to go to college. I thought I'd be able to get a decent housing out of the slum sector for my family and myself. I thought I'd be a good soldier. I thought the Republic was good. I thought I thought I thought.

Bullshit.

The Republic is full of bullshit. No wonder why our lives are so miserable.

My life. Tess's life. Mom's life. Dad's life. John's life. Eden's life. The slum sectors' lives.

Our lives.

Those goddy rich trots living in gem sectors will never feel the way we do in slum sectors. Those guys find happiness in, I don't know, expensive food, clothing, jewels, whatever takes [amount of money the slum sector people need to buy the plague cure X 10...only God knows how many zeros]

We find happiness in finding a day's worth of food. In finding wooden plank to fix a table, a chair.

...In surviving a day. In knowing that our family is alive at the end of the day.

I can see everything just fine, but at the same time I can't. I can't think about anything, and I don't want to. Whatever I can think of, it all leads me to thinking how my family's going to be broken, how I'll be captured, how Tess will be left alone, how much I'm struggling to survive.

A fog has set before my eyes, and I can't see it being cleared up any time soon. If anything, it's getting thicker second by second.

I don't believe in fate. Or I didn't.

What did I do so wrong? I didn't make my own fate. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't make this happen. I didn't want this, ever, I didn't pray for this, ever. It just happened - why? Because I was born in the Republic. There was nothing I could do about that.

I'm not sure if I definitely believe in fate now. I still cling onto this little hope that I might, just might, be able to turn this upside down. Just might.

Probably not. I know this hope just wastes my time, because it's a plain bullshit.

Actually, I should say I belive that my future is already set. There's one thing that I can see through the fog. One set of images I can clearly imagine.

Eden's death. The breakdown of my family and Tess. My execution.

And then there's the fog that I can't possibly see through.

I can totally feel myself breaking down. I can feel it deep inside me.

Metias has warned me: if I don't get the hell out of the city right now, I'll be caught in no time. And if - I should say WHEN. When that happens, no one, even Metias himself won't be able to help me.

I'm already walking down that path. My five senses plus the sixth sense is telling me that there is no hope left for me. The Skiz fighters are arrested, and the Republic will get very latest, very accurate information about me. Maybe they already did.

Why! Why have I been abandoned in this world? WHY?

I'm falling down.

And I can't see the end of the cliff.