Friends Forever, huh?

Chapter 42 | sunshine

Clearly curious by my request to come over, Cole has been trying to coax the truth out of me all day. However, I'm not answering him. I don't want him to spend the rest of the day overthinking. He's self harmed for too long--seen it as a way of coping with his pain. Not anymore. I won't let him.

As we drive toward his Uncle's house, Cole casts me furtive looks, as if he doesn't know what to make of my request to come over. I say silent, unsure of how to broach the touchy subject.

Cole rings the doorbell and to my surprise, his mother answers. My eyes widen, sure that she'll berate me for keeping Cole's self harming secret from her. I haven't seen her since the hospital. We stand there for a moment, both staring at each other. Then she engulfs me in a huge hug.

"Thank you."

I'm caught off guard by her words, replying with a perplexed, "for what?"

"You told me about Cole. At first I was angry you didn't tell me immediately, but it's most likely because of you that my son isn't dead because of his self destructive behavior. You were there for him. Thank you."

"You're welcome?" I manage to get out, feeling a lump rise in my throat. She's thankful? I expected anger--perhaps she would keep her son away from me. Instead, she shows me gratitude. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner..."

Amanda shrugs, "I wish you would have, but everything ended okay. I can't hold it against you."

"Thank you." I reply sincerely, feeling my guilt over Cole's hospitalization release from my shoulders. I feel at peace--something I haven't felt in a long time. My resolve strengthens to break Cole's destructive habit.

I reach for Cole's hand as we walk upstairs.

"Alright, sunshine, are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

I nod and clear my throat, nervous that he'll refuse my request. Maybe his tendency toward self destruction is too strong for me to combat it. It's too late to back out now--I have to do this. I have to prevent his hospitalization from happening again. I take a deep breath and voice my request, "Can you throw away your blades?" There's so much more I wanted to say to him, but the look on his face renders me speechless.

Cole's eyes widen and he looks completely caught off guard by my request. Shoot. He looks vulnerable, nearly scared to agree to my request. Perhaps I should have given him some forewarning. However, he nods in agreement with my request, "Okay." But his voice is shaking and I hate myself for doing this to him. It's for his own good.

"I just...I can't have a repeat of that night," My voice shakes as I recall that dreadful night. I remember the way I wanted to scream against the cruelty of life when I saw him on a stretcher, looking as if life had left his body. My eyes meet his, a stray tear running down my cheek, "I thought you were dead. I can't see that happen again."

Cole swallows, "I'm sorry, sunshine." He squeezes my hand, trying so hard to find courage through his fear. I love him for it. He's terrified--I know--but despite this, he's trying to work up the courage to combat this. In my eyes, that constitutes strength. Strength isn't about being fearless, it's giving your fear a "screw you" and continuing despite it.

I step closer to him and stand on my tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his temple, "You've got this, babe."

Cole gives a small smile at my words, but still has a look I know entirely to well: a look that makes him look like he wants to run. He inhales, his breath shaking when he lets it out.