Friends Forever, huh?

Chapter 5 | dear most detested project partner

❝Greetings most detested Romeo and Juliet partner!❞
[Read at 5 PM on October 13, 2015]

❝Seriously Cole, you don't like me, I get it. But you're not getting out of this. I might actually hate this play more than I hate you.❞
[Read at 5:45 PM on October 13, 2015]

They're all lies. Of course they are, I could never hate him. Unfortunately, I happen to have a heart that holds on too long--which means I'm still in love with him. It's exhausting having to put up a façade of not caring about him. But there is absolutely no way I'm going to let him know that I still care about him. Not when he cares so little.

❝I see that we're playing the 'ignore' game again. You always were so good at that.❞
[Read at 7:15 PM on October 13, 2015]

One would think that after being ignored so many times, I would be used to it. I'm still not. Every time I see that 'read' notification with no response, it stings. It still hurts that he cares so little for me that he can't even be bothered to send a response.

I walk downstairs and sink into a chair, letting loneliness flood my body. I always feign nonchalance about my lack of friends, but loneliness is exhausting. Truly, I want to get close to people. It's just that when I get close to them, I run away...or they do. Either way, no one sticks around. It's happened so often that I can shrug and say "I'm used to it."

I suppose it's due to my trust issues. If you don't let anyone get close to you, there's no chance of getting hurt. Still, it's lonely having no one to confide in, no one to trust, no one to laugh with.

It's not that I don't have any friends--I have girls at school that I call my friends, but they're not really my friends. They're the shallow ones that only want to gossip with you...and what kind of friendships are those?

They simply serve as a means of easing loneliness and keeping you from looking antisocial during the school day. They're not the kind of relationships that are meaningful.

I groan, dismayed by my thoughts. Why can't I just be a normal person with the ability to make friends? All I want is to not be lonely for a day.

Distantly aware of the tear sliding down my cheek, I sternly admonish myself for my weakness. Cole's return doesn't give me a license to turn into a weepy loner.

I'll be fine. I'll be okay with my loneliness. I'll make it through, I always do. Besides, it doesn't matter. I'll be out of high school soon enough.

Unbidden, a memory comes to my mind...and it's not a welcome one.

He opened the door that morning and I could tell something was different. There was an unusual sadness in his eyes as he evaded mine and sunk into a chair across the room.

I nudge him with my elbow, uneasy with the sorrow evident in his expression, "lighten up mister grumpy gills."

When he doesn't smile at my Finding Nemo reference, my lips turn downward into a frown.

"Cole?"

The sadness remains in his eyes as they lock on mine, his lips parting to speak. Suddenly I'm dreading whatever it is that he says to say.

"I'm moving..."

I stare at him in shock, shaking my head as if it can prevent him from packing up his bags and moving far away from me. "You can't," I turn away from him, "I need you. You're the only real friend I have."