Love to Hate You

Chapter Twenty-One

I shrug, “Maybe I want to write something with a little bit of love-hate.”

“You still hate him.”

“But I like him a lot more than I hate him.”

“I hope he genuinely likes you too. I don’t like hating Justin. He’s a good guy but he’s also got some problems. I don’t want him hurting a friend.” Sean tells me and labels the top of the new notebook page Song Attempt #2.

“What are you gonna do with the other lyrics that we started?” I ask when I’ve seated myself next to him on the sofa.

He chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. “You never know when lyrics like that will come in handy.”

~*~

The Lunch Box is packed when I peek through the door to get a glimpse of the rapidly filling café. I’m not nervous, just shocked. The employees of the café have actually pushed the tables and chairs against the walls to make space for more people. It’s loud, too. People are yelling across the room to one another in greeting. Stephanie is at the front of the crowd with a camera around her neck and her homemade I Love Heartbreakers shirt hanging off her thin frame. Laney is talking to one of the employees at the register and her eyes wonder to catch mine. I quickly shut the door and lean back against it.

“Sounds like a full house,” Kris comments as he lounges on the couch in the middle of the room.

Austin, with his legs draped over Kris’s lap nods and adds, “Do you think it’s because school’s out or because of the website?”

“I think it’s because we’re just that good,” Alex smirks and drums a random beat against the wall he’s standing by.

I groan and bang my head back on the door.

“Guys, I don’t like this huge crowd ordeal,” I admit, “I liked it when the Lunch Box was crowded but not crowded, you know? This feels like a lot of pressure.”

“Stage fright?” Justin asks with an amused grin.

I shake my head, “I feel like I’m under a microscope.”

Justin laughs, “You’re worried about a little group of people watching us tonight? What about all of those pictures on the fan website? If you ask me, the pressure has been taken off. They’ve seen almost everything we do during the day. This is going to be a piece of cake.”

Sean snorts, “Yeah well you like attention, Justin. Privacy means nothing to you.”

“True story,” Justin replies and then takes a sip from his water bottle. “The website really isn’t that bad. Besides the fact that everyone has a thing for a love triangle that doesn’t exist between you, Reese and I the site is the perfect way to grab someone’s attention. The attention of someone important.”

“So you support this whole thing?” I ask in a disbelieving tone and cross my arms.

“It can’t hurt,” Justin says casually, “We’re all here to make it big, right?”

There’s a unanimous “no” throughout the room and then everyone is looking at Justin curiously.

 “I thought we were doing this to get chicks,” Alex says and the other guys agree—well Sean agrees. Austin and Kris can’t really have a say with that one.

“Chicks come with the famous territory, don’t they?” Justin asks with a lifted eyebrow. Neither side can believe what the other is saying.

It’s true. We all have different reasons for being here. I know Austin is here because his mom threatened to force him into a school sport if he didn’t get up and do something. He played the guitar in a school talent show and Justin asked him to join the band. Kris is here for a little extra cash and a chance to try out his graphic design skills with posters. He was friends with Justin before the band and Justin taught him how to play the guitar. Alex is here because he and Justin had always talked about having a band since they were kids. Sean is here because Justin knew he could play the keyboard. I’m here because Justin saw the crowd’s reaction when I stepped on stage and put on a show, not to mention it was a self-esteem booster for myself. Justin’s the boss. He recruited us all. That’s what the rest of us have in common. We’re mainly here for him and only him.

The epiphany hits me so hard that I have to look away from Justin all together. It surprises me that it’s taken so long to figure everything out. But Sean knew. Sean knew this whole time and he tried to tell me. I wouldn’t listen. I can’t figure things out the way Sean can because Sean reads people, he finds things out. He found something out and he tried to warn me, tried to distract me, tried to show me. He wanted me to figure it out and now I think I have. The truth hurts more than I ever thought it would. In fact, it’s heartbreaking.

Justin isn’t who we think he is.