Love to Hate You

Part Two || Chapter One

Sean walks forward and puts a hand on my shoulder saying, “It’s not your fault.”

I shake him off and turn away resting my hand on the wall again, the pencil tip brushing the surface hesitantly.

“Yes it is. I should have never joined the band. This wouldn’t have happened.”

He tries to turn me around, but I refuse and plant my feet into the ground. So, he gives up and leans against the wall, facing me.

“Look, I’ll be honest here and say that you made the band better and now that you’re gone we don’t sound as amazing as we did with you. We’re losing fans and that’s not fair,” I turn my head away but he takes my chin and makes me look at him, “but we can’t control that.  What I’m getting at is that I guess we thought you’d be back by now. That you were as fiery as your hair and that you would be fighting to get back.”

I look at him in disbelief before snapping, “You don’t think I’m trying?” I drop my hand from the wall and turn to him angrily, “I’m trying, okay! Do you have any idea how much I’m sacrificing right now? My mom and I don’t even talk to each other anymore. I’m sacrificing my relationship with my mom, which is not something I’m proud of. Family should always come first, and I’m not pleased to say that I’m putting my friends first,“ my lip trembles but I bite it back and say, “But, yeah, you’re right. I’m not trying.”

I throw the pencil down and stomp away from him while clutching my hair.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—“

“Yeah, you didn’t realize,” I hiss, “I miss you guys.”

That’s when I break down and a stray tear slides down my cheek. Embarrassed, I brush it away quickly and sniff, turning my head away.

Sean looks at me sadly, muttering, “Reese,” before coming over to collect me in a hug. He pulls me close whispering soothing things into my ear. I return the hug cautiously, wiping away more spilled tears.

When I’ve calmed down I pull away, refusing to look at him.

“You should probably get to practice.” I say, swallowing thickly.

“I should.” He agrees and gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he passes by me.

Turning around, I add, “Hey, can you thank Justin for me. He left me coffee in Mrs. Boot’s classroom this morning.”

Justin has made it a routine these days. He brings me coffee in the morning but doesn’t give it to me directly because he was stupid enough the first time to wait for me when my mom dropped me off. He came right to the car and pushed the coffee in my hand saying, “Hey Carrots.” You can only imagine how well that went down with my mom. Since then he’s been extra careful about it.

Actually, Justin’s changed a little bit in the past month all together. Although there is still a great deal of banter between him and me during literature he always has lunch with me in Mrs. Boot’s classroom to have as serious conversation. I laughed when he said he wanted to seriously get to know me but he made no sign that he was kidding. Although he did cheekily add, “You said you wanted me to make you fall for me, so getting to know each other is generally how you start,” might I just insert a wink somewhere in there? The flirt as always.

Sean stops and nods before continuing on his way.

I watch him leave and then pick up the pencil I threw to the floor, grimacing when I find I’ve broken the tip.

~*~

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for the faith-departed