What's up my babies, it's Bree or Bren. The writer and owner of this book along with this account. Anyway this here is my new book just about EVERYTHING. I might talk about books, music, celebrities just anything. If y'all have suggestions or "ideas...
Well as most of my readers and co-writer knows I was pregnant. Best three months of my life, even with the up and downs with the father. I'm blessed I got to experience such a beautiful time in my life. People tell you once you get pregnant, "your life changes." Mine did and it was for the best.
I stopped going out, became cautious about what I ate, hell I even talked to my baby's father and came to an understanding. Those three months meant everything to me and I can never forget. I know someone is going to say, "I should keep my miscarriage to myself." No I'm shedding light on a topic that some people are scared to even ask about.
Since my miscarriage I can't tell you how many people have asked either my mom or brother how I'm doing. Even the doctor that performed my surgery asked my grandma how I'm doing. (Insider: He delivered me and even agreed to delivery my baby. Basically the family doctor).
To be honest I feel like I went through stages. Denial/hurt/emotional were all on my mind soon as it happened. It happened at home at 3 in the morning. I felt my world just shatter. The father and I just got the news I was threatening a miscarriage Thursday so I was being EXTREMELY carefully the rest of the week.
Saturday... morning, 3 AM. Woke up uncomfortable and hot. Had a fever and just something was off. Went to the bathroom and found out why. I thought since it happened at home that was it. I was so wrong, around 4 that afternoon with fever still here and started bleeding to the point I thought I was going to die.
After three hours in the emergency room and so many fluids along with other medication I found out I would have a D&G because I was septic (blood poisoning). This was my first ever surgery and I was terrified. Before surgery Dr.Mac prayed with me and my grandparents before hand, honestly put my mind at ease.
The point to all this is, it hurt losing a child. Doesn't matter what week or age. And it doesn't help when people ask constantly "how are you" or just checking on you. 10 weeks, just a week after I was blessed enough to hear that little heartbeat.
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Might not seem like much but I never smiled so hard in my life. My second love, Taylor. Just watching the screen and hearing that little heartbeat meant everything. Then to sit at home one day after everything and realize there's nothing no longer there. It took my ex to tell me "I know you're not okay." For me to just accept it. I will never be okay with losing my first baby but I have to accept it.
