All Bad

26. If It Isn't Love

'Cause if it isn't love
Why do I feel this way, why does she stay on my mind
And if it isn't love
Why does it hurt so bad, make me feel so sad inside
If it isn't love...
- New Edition

Justin's POV

I kicked off my sneakers and hopped onto the bed where Brie lay sleeping on top of the sheets. She looked adorable all curled up in my t-shirt, lying on her side, her face mostly hidden by her hair.

I was relieved that she was asleep; it meant that I hadn't lost my chance when I choked earlier on and I'd still be able to tell her that I loved her first without her hearing it from an outside party.

I had turned off my phone from the second I left the interview with missed calls and text messages already waiting to be responded to. I had had no intention whatsoever of discussing Brie on air, I tried to keep it cool when Ellen mentioned her but I wasn't able to keep my cool, I felt like a teenager again at that moment, or a bad actor fucking up his lines in the last take of the day.

Brie stirred as I eased up behind her and rubbed my palm along her arm in an attempt to wake her. I noticed her phone, which was clutched in her palm, light up with a phone call and ring silently until her voicemail picked up the call. I tried to rouse her again, this time calling her name as well as rubbing her skin but to no avail, she just curled up tighter. To lie down beside her and join her in her slumber was a tempting thought. I used my fingers to push her hair off of her face and proceeded to call her name while nudging her as gently as I could. Nothing. Defeated by the stubborn sleeper. I rolled over onto my back with a sigh and pulled out my phone and switched it on, mentally preparing myself for endless messages that awaited me.

Two hours later and I still hadn't managed to get the words out.

Brie was seated on my lap, facing me with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms over around my shoulders. Her long hair tickled my bare chest as she leaned against me and placed small pretty kisses along my shoulder, up the side of my neck and across the edge of my jaw. I couldn't even enjoy the closeness; all I could think about was how I was going to say what I wanted to say.

"What's wrong with you, hmm?" She asked, her lips still pressed against my skin. She pulled back once I didn't respond, her eyes studied my face. "Have I done something?"

I dragged both of my hands simultaneously up her sides, "No," gripping her small waist in my hands I pulled her against me, "There's nothing wrong."

"Hmmm..." Her hands rested on my shoulders. We stared each other out for a moment or so, I wanted her to believe me even though I wasn't being completely honest. Brie broke eye contact, distracted by a thought that had popped up in her own mind. "Justin, are you sure you don't know where my phone is?" She looked in the direction of where she was laying so thankfully she missed the expression that came over my face.

"No." I said quickly.

My heart had jumped every time she wondered aloud where her phone had gone. I'd heard it fall out of her hand and eventually onto the floor when she was sleeping but I didn't want her to find it, I was scared somebody would break the news before I had the guts to utter those three words myself.

I couldn't believe that I was being such a punk over this, it was just a few words that I had to say, yet I felt like a mute when I thought about speaking them. It wasn't like I wasn't experienced with girls, why did this one have me feeling so soft?

I already knew the answer to that question before it had even fully formed in my head; the reason she had me like this was because, as I knew from day one, Brie was different than the others, she was a real girl when it came to me. She wasn't just somebody that I'd fuck a few times then move on from, I actually spent time with her, I cared about her, I cared about her opinion and what she thought of me as a person.