BlurryFace (Joshler 1/3)

Four||F a i r l y L o c a l

      A/N: TW// Panic Attack

     The next morning felt a lot better than yesterday. I actually felt like I had something to look forward too, and that was a big deal for me. The same thoughts popped into my head over and over and it didn't help when blurryface was behind me mumbling all of things that could go wrong.

I tried to ignore him and instead got dressed, ate breakfast, and got ready. (without falling into a trap of darkness with my actual darkness nagging Me) My mom was surprised to even see me up so early, as she usual had to drag me out of the bed, but today I actually felt like waking up. That was a big thing to me. I never wanted to get out of bed at all. I just wanted to sit and emerge myself into my blankets and ignore the world all together.

   I wasn't ever in the mood to go outside and see people. I felt too down, I guess you could say, to even participate in life. But today, I felt there was something actually waiting for me. And that certain something was a tall, muscular boy named Josh. As soon as I said his name his dark brown eyes, and vibrant red hair popped into my head. The way his voice sounded and how he seemed to ignore every one around him (except for me...right?)

  I honestly couldn't remember the last time I was ever excited to see someone. No one has ever been important to me these past several years, beside my mom and siblings of course. It felt like a brand new feeling uncovering itself, like hope was shining through the cracks of darkness. Blurryface saw everything ,and probably saw my thoughts too on this whole situation. His job was to mess everything up, make Josh hate me or something. I wasn't going to let that happen at all.

  I left my house that morning without talking to anyone. My mom was the only one in the kitchen ,and I made sure to eat as fast as I could before anyone could make their way out to the dining room.

  The air today felt more breezy and open. It was usually like that here, except I didn't always feel free in the upstate. From the day we are born we are confined to all of these rules that make us normal. We are confined to wear uniforms and do certain things. You can't be unique or special because if you are, you get consequences like mr.darkness over here or some liberties taken away.

  I've never understood these rules but whenever I tried to ask my parents they always told me, "Oh, you're just a child right now. You'll understand it all when you're older."
To this day, I think they still see me as a misunderstood child. They're probably asking them selves, "where did we go wrong?" Trying to find one single fault in their parenting along the way. I don't know how this all started and why it did, but it did and now I'm just dragging through it.

  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Blurryface. He was always with me, even if I couldn't see him. So, he usually followed me to and from school, and usually never talked or nagged at me unless something was really bothering me. The only thing I was focusing on today was seeing Josh, and maybe even giving him my number. Would that be considered flirting? I mean, I obviously had some attraction to him. That wasn't a good thing around here, because it made you more different.

  The known sexuality around here is straight, anything else and you're different and weird. God, if my parents found out that I liked boys that would probably be the last straw for my dad. So, I don't talk about it a lot, just acknowledge it to myself.

  I rounded the corner towards our school. The bricked building ,that obviously needed a new paint job, stood right before me. The buses just dismissing students onto the sidewalk and other students chaining their bikes to the racks on the other side. I watched for a moment, trying to find some type of sign of Josh. No, everything was just plain. The simple brown, blonde and black hair colors with the simple dark green uniform. In that moment, I realized how boring everyone was.