Out Into The Light (A Hamilton Fanfic)

Chapter Twelve: Mama Who Bore Me

My heart tremored beneath my ribcage. Air stopped being air and I descended to panic. Nothing was clear and any coherent thoughts slipped from my grasp and faded into oblivion. The dark was suddenly claustrophobic, sticking to me like cellophane. What felt like hours later, my first thought was: Why? I sunk to the realization that it was best that my breath of freedom be short. It'd be easier to go back into the schedule of my life that way. I figured I'd leave early in the morning and leave a note, saying goodbye would rip my heart apart and words have always been my easy way out. They'd be better off without me in the way.

Try as I may, I couldn't go to sleep. It was like insomnia kicked my stomach while screaming "Hey bitch!" I stared at the ceiling for an hour, then read a book in my phone, and then tried some indie and classical music to lull me to the land of dreams. I got nothing. As six started to approach, I said "screw it", packed, and changed my clothes. At six I taped a note onto the microwave and, with a heavy heart, left the people who had been so nice.

Mom was passed out in her room when I got home. I don't know why I was disappointed at that, maybe the small child in me wanted her to wait up for me. Maybe she'd be angry when she got up, maybe she'd be joyful, maybe I should wake her up. I decided to do just that. I crept to her sleeping form and shook her softly.

"Matthew, what?" she muttered groggily.

"Mom. it's me, I'm home," I whispered.

"From Aya's? That's nice," she said before turning over and going back to sleep. For the first time, I grew angry and acted upon that anger.

"Maybe I just won't come back!" I yelled before storming out and slamming the door. Sometimes I hated her. The anger faded away as I neared my workplace, but it was replaced with a familiar sadness. I kept this to myself as I entered the library. Angel, as usual, got here earlier.

"Hey Angel." I greeted politely.

"Don't hey me, not only did you skip work, but you used it to hang out with the Hamilton cast!" Angel replied angrily.

I held up my hands in surrender, "I'm sorry, but if it makes you feel better, I slept through the whole performance upstairs in a dressing room."

She gasped and smacked the countertop, "You didn't!"

I smiled, "Totally did."

Angel fell into giggles before sobering, "So did you get it?"

"Get what?" I asked while grabbing the book return key.

"My autograph from Pippa, you didn't forget, did you?"

I didn't reply. I had forgotten that.

"Lark!"

"I'm sorry!" I apologize. Turning to the beautiful latina, I shrugged, "I forgot. I think the messed up state I've been in is affecting my memory."

She sighed. I took this as a time to collect the books. It was going to be a long day.

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I was right, when I clocked out at two I was tired. I had only three and a half hours of sleep under my belt and I was stressed about going back home to ask mom about her employment. I might have repercussions for my attitude earlier, too.

I wished for nothing but maybe a nice bath when I got home, my hopes were battered when I remembered I only paid rent of Friday. I thought about going to go pay it, but as I was already at the complex, I went home. I opened the door and something was off. The blinds in the living were open and highlighting all the dust particles in the sunshine.

"Mom? You okay," I called out. I heard a giggle from the living room. I turned the corner and found my mom, sitting on the counter, talking to a well dressed man in a navy suit.

"Hello?" I replied to the scene.

Mom sunk back to the ground and wrapped me in a short hug.

"Hey, Baby, welcome home," she replied smiling.

"Hi Mom," I said while staring at the man. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. He was older, maybe in his forties and looked, or at least dressed, wealthy.

"This is Jason Ravettes. Jason, Lark, my daughter," My mother introduced smiling. We shook hands and exchanged hellos.

"So how'd you meet my mom?" I asked. Mom blushed and my internal siren warnings went off. What did you do now Mom?

Jason leaned onto the counter behind him, "We meet in a bar, actually. Sarah -I mean your mother- was upset, so I consoled her."

That could mean many things. But I didn't like this man, so I was going with the explanation that he was going after her. Not money, maybe sex, or he just liked breaking hearts.

"Hey Jason, is it chill if I borrow my mom real quick." I asked innocently.

"Yeah, absolutely." Jason said eagerly, happy I was actually conversing. Despite protest, I dragged my mom into my room. I closed the door behind me and crossed my arms.

"What the actual fuck, Mom."

"Language," she warned.

"No, you don't get the language right. Why is Jason here?" I asked angrily. Mom blushed. "Mom, are you dating him?"

Mom smiled, like it was a good thing, "Kinda. We fell very quickly. He was so caring, and I had been so upset. I feel like I know him already."

"You hardly know him!"

"Not true! I spent the last couple of days with him, despite his busy schedule. He owns a corporation in New YOrk, LA, San Francisco, and other big cities. He likes the color green, his middle name is Timothy, like Logan's."

Mom grew silent at my brother's name.

I sighed, "I'm sending Jason home. I'm not condemning your relationship, but I need to figure out how to play the rest of the bills."

"Jason's paying them."

I ran a hand through my hair, "We're talking about that later."

I exited my room and went back to the kitchen. Jason was messing with his right hand and holding a cup a coffee in the other, I couldn't help but to notice a ring on it.

"Hey Jason, Mom isn't feeling well. Would you mind going, i'm sure you're busy."

Jason set down his cup and looked at his watch, "Yeah, tell your mother I'll see her later."

He left the apartment and I almost immediately collapsed onto the couch. 

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Third Person POV

Vanessa found the letter. After she read it, she quickly woke up Lin who read it through his sleep blurred eyes. It said:

Dear Miranda's,

First, and foremost, I would like to thank you for taking me in for a little bit. It wasn't long, but I will treasure those memories forever. How many people can say they spent a day with the most smartest and caring people in the world? Secondly, as my reason for my disappearance, my mom texted me a little after Lin and I got home. As far as I know right now, she is home, and I will go home as promise. I don't have much time as I have to get home and then go to work, but thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (And Lin, you're my hero even more now, thank you.)

L. Evans

Lin sat the letter onto the bed, lost for words.

"I'm going to call child services," Vanessa said. Lin nodded, silently agreeing. He fell back onto the pillow, shit was going to hit the fan.

Word Count: 1279 

Done at 4:35 am

Uploaded at 4:38 am

And the plot thickens....Thanks for reading!

Ever yours, hlwing.