Impudent [Jasper Hale]

twenty four ; big girls cry

"How am I supposed to do it when I know he almost killed you just a few hours ago?"

"But don't you love him?"

"I do," I told her, "but it scares me to no end, knowing he could crush me if I only do something wrong. Knowing he almost did it to you. That's why I tried to forget him, and tried my chances with Paul, until he turned..." I felt my voice disappear. "I love him more than I've loved any other guy, but he also scares me more than anyone has ever scared me.

"I'm not like you. I'm not total, not completely dedicated. I don't think through what I do, and I act on instincts and impulses and... I'm arrogant and I like to pretend that I'm not scared of anything, but the truth is that I'm just a coward. 

"Do you know what I've done when Edward Graham stood in front of me?"

Bella stayed silent, watching me like I was a stranger to her. I guess she's never spoken to me like that.

"I was crying, and I stood behind Iggy. Iggy stood in front of all of us, and she taunted him and told him to go to hell, told us to hide until the police gets there. And I hid behind her, crying, not doing anything.

"I'm a coward, Bella. I'm fake, this is all an act, a ridiculous act trying to be somebody." I shrugged. "I don't think I love Jasper. I think I'm in love with him, I'm not ready to love. I'm just a kid in love."

☼

The next day, neither Jasper nor Alice were at school. Bella looked miserable, and I ignored everything supernatural, fooling around with Tyler as usual. 

Bella told me that Jasper and Alice took a while off, Alice so Jasper wouldn't be alone and miserable.

Another day passed and the two still hadn't returned, and another, but I tried not to think about it. It was supposed to be normal, I expected that both of us would have to take some time off from each other.

But when I came home that day, Mike following me while singing horribly to Cake by the Ocean. I laughed at him, feeling at ease as I always felt when I was with either him, Tyler or Jake. My heart stung at the thought that once, Paul was in the list too.

"Dude, you're so stupid," I told him, laughing, entering the house. "Bells, we're home!" I called, not expecting an answer. Her car was parked outside, though, so she was ought to be there.

A while passed by, when Mike said we should ask Bella to join us, since we were watching a movie (that wasn't High School Musical). I agreed, and knocked on her door. I got no answer, so I cracked it open, finding her room empty. 

I walked downstairs, and even tried the bathroom, when I realized she wasn't at the house, simple as that. I tried calling her phone, since she rarely left her car here when she left, but she didn't pick up.

"Hey, Mike, what's Edward's number?" I questioned, and he checked in the small book I had laying next to the bed. He read it out to me, and I called him.

"Hello?" the strained voice of Edward replied.

"Edward?" I wondered, "it's Ashley. Uh- I just wanted to know if Bella's with you."

"No, she's supposed to be home."

"Well, she isn't," I told him simply.

"Then she's at the forest next to your home. She's supposed to be right at the entrance, where I left her.."

"Oh." I said, confused slightly. "Okay, thanks Edweirdo."

"What?"

"I meant Edward. Bye." I quickly corrected, hanging off. That was slightly worrying, so I quickly got Mike to join me, looking for Bella.

I don't know at what point my mind fully understood what happened. Edward left, and Bella walked deeper into the woods than she was supposed to. It was starting to get darker, so I walked back home, not knowing what to do.

I called the first person I felt like I could trust.

"Sam?" I said, and I felt tears choking my voice. "I need your help, please. The Cullens left, I think." I spoke, eyebrows furrowed. "And Bella is deep in the woods next to our room. Please, get Paul and Jared and help me. Help us."

"Of course, Ashley," he spoke, confusion clear in his voice. 

Mike entered the room again, setting down the phone. "Charlie is on his way."

I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears. It was more than just Bella, at least she got to say goodbye.  I knew better by now. 

He's gone.

I wiped off my tears, wiping my make-up in the process, but I felt some of the pain leaving, or maybe I felt myself getting number. Mike hugged me, and I realized that I don't have to look pretty next to him, so I allowed my tears to flow and my mouth to confront as I sobbed, and when Tyler ran towards me, I released Mike and allowed Tyler to soothe me.

He's gone.

They were all gone.

I was petrified of being alone, so I hugged Tyler closer to me as Mike started looking for Bella along with anyone else who arrived.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. And I heard the door open, the Pack arrived, Paul looking at me while Jared and Sam asked Charlie about what happened.  

Paul gave me the smallest smile, and I couldn't help but smile back. 

"It's okay, Ash," Tyler laughed. "Big girls cry."

                                                                    ☼COMPLETED☼

**book two: Ashes [Jasper Hale] [2] can be found in my profile