The Dream Keeper's Dragon

3.25 Not Once

A loud snap sounded in the distance, and Aurelie turned just fast enough to see the jester with the long legs bend at first and then sink down with flailing arms. Shocked voices cried out, but instead of trying to catch the man, everyone cleared out so that the ground caught his fall. Aurelie flinched as the loud thud of his fall echoed and silenced the murmur for a second. The crowd enclosed him again.

After some time she saw his green top hat stick out above some heads and breathed a sigh of relief, turning back to the entrance where Nic stood. He was no longer there, but Kaiden caught her eye, sitting alone on a bench with a glass and an empty plate from the buffet resting on the bench beside him.

He looked lonely and displaced among all the people. He watched them pass as if they had been actors in a play, keeping to his own little corner.

His eyes settled on her and he smiled for a brief moment before reality struck him with a deep thud that crumpled his face, and he went back to his lonely corner, looking down at the ground.

She must have doubted herself a thousand times before she found the courage to approach him. Guilt, wrapped in hot anger, stood out from the rest.

"I forgive you," she said, and his head turned slowly upward, though their eyes failed to meet. She felt pompous for saying it—Should I be the one asking him for forgiveness instead?—loathing the impersonal nature of their stance.

"Do you really?" Wrinkles set around his eyes, and she finally saw how old he'd gotten. It seemed that energy had leaked out of him and that he'd be content with a small farm in the middle of nowhere with a faithful dog and a good book.

"Yes—no, I don't know." Her hands formed firm fists and she felt her skin pull uncomfortably asher eyebrows met in a scowl. "I want to . . . I think."

She sat down next to him and held her hands together. The release of sleep beckoned her. Nothing else stopped the constant grey. When the anger passed—as it does once it consumes all energy—she felt like half a person and the constant empty ache persisted unchanged in all her waking hours. But this was not about her, it was about him, Orken, Daerious and the King and so she wiped the gloom off her face, and put on a smile, making sure that it ran up straight to her eyes.

She took Kaiden's hand. "I forgive you. I see your strength now. You lost her, and I know what that feels like—or a fraction of it—yet, I stopped living entirely and you . . . you kept your strength. I forgive you because there is nothing to forgive, it was me versus everyone else, and you chose wisely. I hope you can forgive my selfishness and know that who I am now, isn't who you raised."

He let out a breath that was more a dark laugh. "I'd have happily let it all go to hell," he paused for a second pursing his lips, "but I knew you'd be fine. He told me you'd survive—I think he earned my damn trust after the years I've spent trivially doubting him—so I chose to believe him. I figured I'd done my protecting, and so it was his turn to do that while I thought of the kingdom."

Aurelie squeezed his hand tighter and just sat with him for a minute.

Laughter rang through the crowd. They danced. Sang along to familiar songs, and hummed to unfamiliar ones. The atmosphere sang too, and the scent of flowers, sweet tobacco, and good wine lingered in the air. Lovers moved close with intimacy and old friends joked and filled each other's glasses.

"They've got our people rising against us, did he tell you?" Kaiden said and looked up at the sky absently. "That's where Donahue's been. He doesn't even know . . ."

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, not wanting to discuss the child she lost. That was not a conversation she would willingly have with anyone other than Kirin. "How bad?"