"Please don't ask me how I am...
(I know I will lie to you)
Please don't be too kind to me...
(I know I will fall in love with you)
Please don't call me pretty...
(I know I'll doubt you)
Please don't talk to me...
(I know I will over think)
Please don't leave me alone...
(I need you!) "
I know that there is at least 2 people in my life that care about me truly, but as hard as it is for me to say it those people aren't my parents. I know these 2 people as my best friends, the people I can trust, but my anxiety and depression have more control over my thoughts and how I think about situations....... if you ask me how I am my depression tells me you don't really care and my anxiety tells me that if I open up to you, you will not only leave me but leave me with more problems to look forward to so... I lie. If you are really kind to me, something rare considering I get bullied for my conditions, my depression tells me you are doing it out of pity and you don't really care, my anxiety tell me you are just like everyone else trying to get close to me so you can bully me, hurt me, and leave me. Please don't call me pretty cause... I know it's a lie, my depression make me look at myself and hate my self anymore it takes me to dark thoughts an my anxiety joins the swell party and has no idea how to release these awful mind consuming thoughts and I ... cut, I self harm and with each scare I hate myself a million times more. Please don't talk to me I will over think the simplest of statements, my depression make me think that it's a trick or a test of some sort my anxiety makes me panic and have all these questions racing throughout my head.... and I simply can't handle it. But most of all no matter what I say please don't leave me alone, I don't always think clearly, my conditions take over and what they say may not be what I say, what I need. I stay awake at night, my thoughts consuming my mind and they take over, but in the middle of my chaotic thoughts you are the one that stands out most you.... I need you please don't leave me I know me and my condition we... we are burdens and I know you deserve so much better but you make me stay you make me want to stay alive. You see with my conditions death is always on my mind and I have tried to reach my goal of it many times but you see i fail because its not death I'm scared of I welcomed it the majority of my life, I am not scared of death I am scared of trying and failing and having to live in the pain of watching you in pain and not understanding why I did it, I stop trying for death because every time I think of it I think of YOU cause your my guardian angel and I put the blade and pills down... I smile cause you saved me and you don't even know it.
YOU ARE READING
The Little Things
PoetryA collection of poems, quotes, stories, and thought provoking paragraphs. Some are my very own work and others have been spoken to me in a time of need that I related to so closely and that help me so much that I just can't wait to share them with...
