COMA | ziam

7: Oddly Right, But Wrong

I post at really weird times I'm sorry?!

And another Sorry for any mistakes guys :) I say this on every chapter lol

Also it's Liam's POV right now so don't be confused!

Liam

So it seemed that I didn't have as much self control as I thought I did.

But how could a man turn away such a stunning thing, with twinkling fucking eyes and a mouth that had clarified to me very simply that the remarkable appearance did it's justice to the way it felt, leaving an irreversible print on my mind. I felt like a pervert deep inside, having the young babysitter in between my legs and my hands pulling that hair, but it felt cruel not to be able to touch the thick mane of inky-black excellence. I thought I'd feel a lot more guilty, considering that my child was down the hall, but it was hard to find a moral part of yourself when something so sexy and coy has his lips around your dick - all in the right ways, somehow illustrating a timid but lewd and tempting fantasy - as if we were horny teenagers riding out some ridiculously erotic high. And I guess you could call Zayn an adolescent, he was only twenty and I was hitting that twenty-nine-crisis mark and it was awful.

It already hit me, way before I came embarrassingly hard so that my mind was spinning off into the distance like a tire, what the hell am I doing? I couldn't ever blame him, I'm the older one here with the knowledge of how this was so wrong and how bad this could make things, but I'm an unprincipled asshole. I told him, warned him fucking countless times but I didn't mean it - Fuck, it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done to back away from those addicting lips and distorted self esteem - and that's why I let this happen, because I wanted it to. I want to ravish him, as confusing as it was, I wanted to destroy the coolness between us and hear him screaming out my name in need when I'm fucking into him in the darkness of my bitter room, watch the way our bodies seem to fit like puzzle pieces. I wanted to watch all of the shyness and composure fly out of my window, screw everything off and fuck him for days with his heavenly hands scattered across my sheets and writhing out in pleasure for more. I could go days, years, I know what I want. It had been too long, ignoring Zayn and being strange and cold, I wanted him, I wanted him in every way possible and it was difficult - among every other disaster in my life - I just needed him. It was going so fast all at once but I felt like I've known him for my whole life.

I'm too exhausted to give a shit, how could I lie and say that I've never been so thoroughly buried in my lust ever in my life. Even as a teenager, through all the years of screwing around pointlessly before getting married at the age of eighteen with heroine and a baby on the way, never did I want someone as much. I had been with my fair share of guys, but it felt quite pointless, I'd always be stuck with a high-pitched, flamboyant groupie who just falls into some stereotype of a twink. Fun for a little while, but nothing like this. Nothing like any woman I've ever met, nothing like Zayn.

He had no idea, no clue how much of an impression he left on the room. He is so shy, and I've never found the quiet to be enthralling because I'm reserved as well, but once he opened that mouth and fluttered those obscenely long eyelashes, I was gone for him. He is young and confused how to hold himself, usually flicks his eyes away or fidget with his hands when there's confrontation greying the scene - my pathetic scene of privileged brats and leaches - his voice begins to soften as if it wasn't hushed enough and it's unreal that someone so beautiful was so bashful. But that's what made him, I think, the humility and understanding that so many people lacked, he was a very kind person.

Then there was another side that was like every man's wet dream where he would be so cheeky and playful, with a mischievous smile and a sudden curve in his hips as he walks away. I wont forget the smirk he had on his face when he saw me drooling at him from afar, the way his jeans clung to his skin and his long, thin legs and that sinful ass was all I thought about for days. And then when he swiped his thumb across my lips because I supposedly had something there, it wasn't so much the touch, but that look swimming in those golden eyes. There was a thrill swallowing us, beyond everything, my child and how he worked for me - it was so complicated - but then we just stared at each other like we wanted to screw and fuck and shag and everything in between. He bounced on pride with the very obvious effect he had on me, but yet he needed confirmation to feel like he was beautiful as much as I told him he was.