Void

Ch. 13- Cuts

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above ones head, and listen to the silence.  To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow.  To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace."  ~Oscar Wilde

Chapter Thirteen- Cuts

July 30th 3012, 11:47am

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as Brantley pulled out a syringe, filled halfway with some clear liquid.  Ian and Jonathan stood outside my doorway, ready to stop anyone from coming in and to keep me from running out.  My eyes stayed locked, steady on the long needle.  I wasn’t nervous, or afraid.  I was a void.

The needle sat, glimmering, reflecting the light above innocently.  The light created small diamonds on the smooth surface.  It was almost beautiful, and had it not been so treacherous I might have admired it for a while.  The cuff Brantley had placed around my arm was getting tighter and tighter until I could feel my fingertips tingling from the lack of blood.

This could be it.  I thought for a moment.  This could be the cure that they have been looking for.  I could be human and never have to worry about being emotionless again.

That’s not what I want.  I thought back to the small voice in my head.  If this works then I’ll have emotions forever.  The hate, the disgust, all of it would suddenly hurt, all of it would no longer be so easy to ignore.

No.  The resistance members will accept me after I’m human.  The voice retorted.

Do I honestly think that they’ll accept me once I’m no longer a void?  They’ll find some reason to dislike me.  I thought, trying to focus on the needle that Brantley was about to insert into my arm, rather than the voice in my head.

“Once you start to feel the effects just tell me so I can begin the questioning.”  Brantley says gently.

I nodded quickly, wanting the experience to be over with so I could just go to sleep.  His eyes searched mine for something he surly wouldn’t find.  Fear, nervousness, reluctance, no matter what emotion he was looking for the search would always come up empty.

“Don’t be nervous, Danny.”  He said as if the Danny he knew, the Danny that could feel, was in here somewhere fighting the void that was holding her hostage.

There wasn’t any part of me that could feel.  I was nothing but a void. No matter how much he may have wished otherwise that’s what I was, that’s all I was ever going to be.  Instead of wasting my breath by telling him that, I simply nodded.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the shinning needle inserted into my bloodstream.  Maybe so that I wouldn’t have to watch the dark beauties of the needle become tainted by my altered blood.  Or maybe because some small part of me knew that I should be afraid.  After a while I open my eyes to see Brantley placing the empty syringe back into the bag, making sure that the cap to the needle was on tight.  I never felt anything.  No pinch, no pain.  Nothing.

My thoughts blur and a dull pulse spreads from the back of my head until my whole brain feels like its throbbing.  Brantley stares at me, waiting for me to give him the okay to continue, but his image twists into something unrecognizable.

There’s a tingling on the corners of my lips.

Something’s on my face.  I think pathetically.

I reach up to search for the source.  My fingers find two, quarter-inch cuts on each side of my face.  They start from the corners of my lips and head towards my ear, cutting completely through my cheek.