Betrayal in Elysium [malexmale]

Chapter Twenty

"Abel, it's kind of late," Malachi said at last, sounding very careful about how he chose his words, "I don't want to sound inconsiderate or anything, but you've been in bed for almost twelve hours. Maybe you should at least eat something. I can have Tayo make you something to eat." I rolled my eyes at that, then took a deep breath.

Don't act like you're hurting anymore. Forget it. Maybe if you forget it, others will forget it.

But I can't forget it.

Then pretend to.

I faked a yawn and threw the sheets back, sitting up and reaching up to ruffle my hair, seeing Malachi standing near the foot of my bed, looking extremely concerned. It felt like a stab to my chest, but I ignored it. He was wearing a shirt, which meant it was colder in there than I thought. I couldn't tell anymore.

"What?" I asked tiredly. Malachi hesitated.

"Uhm, I came to ask if you wanted some dinner. It's kind of late."

"Hm? Oh, sure. Sounds good. Let's just hope Tayo doesn't decide to make some nasty ass soup," I added dryly, sliding out of bed and brushing my uniform off, "Let me just shower and I'll be there in a second. And don't let Dorean eat all of the bread before I get there." Malachi still looked confused by my behavior. He probably expected me to still be a sobbing mess, and part of me wanted to go back to bed and cry some more, but it wouldn't do anything. It was useless and it only made me feel worse. I already had my heart stomped on, and having a congested nose and flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes only made me feel worse. Whoever said crying was great medicine was full of crap.

Malachi finally left my room and I went to my bathroom to shower. The hot water felt so good on my skin and I savored the way it ran down my body. Unfortunately, it didn't wash away my sorrows or my filth. It didn't matter how hard I scrubbed my skin, until it was dark pink and threatened to rip off, nothing could stop the dirty feeling of having A) Been with Hannibal and B) Been with Cain.

No, I told myself sternly. Don't say his name. Either of their names. Avoid them. That's the first step to forgetting.

And admitting you have an addiction is the first step to recovery, but somehow, there are still addicts even after AA, you shit.

Wow, thanks, inner voice. You're a swell guy to have. I guess they were out of Jiminy Crickets, huh?

I reluctantly left the shower, pausing as I stood in front of the mirror. My hair was still its natural color. It made me cringe, so I ran my fingers through it and changed it back to navy blue, then went to change into a clean new leather uniform. I struggled to get the zipper back up, but finally managed it on my own. I was a little used to someone else doing it for me. I gulped that thought down and teleported from my room to the dining room where Tayo had already set dinner out. The warm, cozy scents of herbs, breads, cheeses, and oven roasted turkey mingled with the hot nectar sitting in mugs at each seat.

Adrian was already there, dressed in another one of his cute goody-goody outfits. A long sleeved white sweater with white jeans, a very dainty looking pale blue feather dangling from a gold chain pinned in his hair. Dorean sat beside him, wearing one of his new outfits from his birthday party. A dark green low collared shirt with slits down the sleeves, gold buttons holding them closed over his arms, and a pair of black jeans with pictures of sparkly kittens on the back pockets. I recognized them as the pair that Charon had bought him.

"Abel," Adrian greeted me instantly when he saw me, "Hi." It was weird. He rarely greeted me. I raised an eyebrow, making my way over to my seat.

"Hey, kid. Nice outfit. You look like a ball of snow that just rolled in." I commented. Adrian blinked, then smiled at me, his shoulders slumping in obvious relief that I didn't burst out of control. I walked over to my seat and sat down. And while the smell of the food should have made me feel better, it just made my stomach churn. I honestly wasn't hungry, but I didn't want Malachi or Adrian to suspect that I was anymore broken than usual. So I grabbed a couple pieces of bread and some meat, taking smaller bites so it looked like I was eating more than I actually was.