Suicidal

Chapter 6

Their lives were so easy and they were finally where they wanted to be in life and then something like this happens. It just made their lives so much harder than it already was. With the blaming herself, the "do you still love me's", but mostly, the thing that made it so hard was the PTSD.

She would get flashbacks about it. It's what she dreams about at night. His voice echoes through her head and it's just a lot to take in. It was all she ever thought about now. She honestly doesn't think she can do it anymore: the sleepless nights, the lonely hours, the thoughts.

She climbed out of bed and went to look for at least a little bit of something to eat in the kitchen, but the minute she walked in there, she just froze.

With her limp body lying in the floor, Lewis grabbed a chair and lifted her into it. He duct taped her hands, feet and mouth.

She shook her head, trying to rid the memories of her being tied to that chair. They still hadn't found a new house since it happened. They've looked and looked, but...nothing.

Elliot and Olivia locked eyes and they were both keeping their tears at bay. It's hard seeing someone you love needing help, and you can't do anything.

He was too scared that if he shot, and missed Lewis, he would kill her. Lewis was so close to her and Elliot didn't want to risk anything that Lewis could possibly do.

Just then, Elliot shook her from the awful, disturbing thought. "Liv, honey?"

"Uh, yeah?" she snapped out of this flashback rather quickly.

"You alright? You want me to get you something to eat?"

"Uh, no. I'm fine, but thanks."

"Come on, sweetheart. You've barely ate anything over these past couple of days," he said, rubbing her arms.

"At least I'm even eating what I'm eating."

"Okay, okay. I'm not going to push you. I just want what's best for you and I don't think you should be doing this to yourself, Liv."

"El, please? I'm fine. See? I'm out of the room. I'm moving around. I'm functioning. Okay?"

"Okay," he said with a faint smile.

"So, when do you have to go back to work?" she asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Not until next week, but Cragen said that I could take more time off to be with you. He wanted us to take all the time we needed."

"Oh...well....that's good. You can go back to work and I can find something to do in this house."

"Listen, I will not go back to work if you're not okay, Liv. I just won't do it."

"El, I'll be fine."

"Really? You have no one to keep you company, and we both know that you won't even attempt to get out of that bed all day...or even manage to get up and even make yourself a glass of water, much less food."

"El, I'm gonna be fine. Plus, someone needs to be working. We have bills, ya know," she said as she walked towards the couch and sat down.

She looked awful, but not in a mean way. She was as beautiful as all let out, but she looked exhausted, dehydrated, malnourished, and she hadn't even gotten out of bed all that much. "Well, if when the time comes around, and you don't want me gone, I'm not going anywhere. Is that clear?"

"Yeah. I get it," he didn't say anything as she got up and went back into their bedroom.

Elliot, still standing in the kitchen, looked over to see the cup of coffee she made for herself wasn't even touched. He was just so worried about her, and so was everyone in the squad. She just needed some time, and so no one ever really came over, or invited them to dinner or drinks. It's just all a little much for her right now.

~~~

A week later...

"Liv, I'm leaving for work!" Elliot's voice shouted from the kitchen.

She just lay in the bed: not moving, not talking, not even sleeping. The bedroom door opened and he walked to the side of the bed. "I won't go if you don't want me to. I can stay here with you. I'm fine with that."

"No, I'm fine. Just...go," she whispered, her hands under the side of her face, her facing the opposite direction of him.

"Liv, look at me," he said, her turning on her back to face him. "Are you sure that you're going to be alright?"

"I'll be okay."

"I'm just worried about you. That's all."

"I know you are...but, I'll be fine. So just go to work," she said with a forced smile.

"I won't be back until late this evening. You know that, right?"

"Yes, El. I do."

"Okay, I'm leaving now. I love you," he whispered as he placed a kiss on the side of her head.

"I love you, too."

He left the room and locked the apartment door behind him before leaving. Now, it was just her...all day. It was barely even 8 AM. She had a long 12 hours ahead of her...or at least that's what she thought.

~~~

It was 2 in the afternoon, and she still hadn't left the bed. The thoughts of the worst time of her life, playing over and over through her head. It was branded in her head...forever. It would never go away. "I can't live like this," she whispered to herself, rolling out of bed. "I can't do this anymore."

She went into the kitchen and picked up a knife, and just stood there for a minute before she walked into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked just a little bit. Then, stood up in front of the mirror and stared at herself.

She started crying uncontrollably. She then, inserted the knife deep into her wrist and cut. She cried, not because of the pain, but because of the memories and how bad she feels for her husband. It wasn't painful...she actually felt something. She wasn't numb anymore. It felt...good.

She made several more cuts down her left arm...then her right arm. It must've been about 3, when someone came through the door. "Liv, I'm home! Cragen let me go early!" Elliot's voice traced the house, when she didn't answer, he yelled again. "Liv!"

He then, busted through the bathroom and saw the sight of blood, her blood: in the sink, on her, and poured all over the floor. "I...love...you," her faint voice said before she passed out, the knife dropped to the floor, and Elliot caught her blood covered self in his arms.

He didn't know how long she had been there like this...bleeding out. He was in shock and panicking. He took the cell from his pocket and dialed 911. "It's my wife! I need an ambulance!" Elliot's panicked voice said as a tear fell from his face.

A/N~ Sorry for taking a while to update. Thank you all for sticking with me! I love you all. Comment what you all think😁❤️