Muslimah Next Door { Editing }

Chapter 27 - breaking it off

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James POV

| Week Later |

Why? Why did she have to die? Why did my father have to convert to the religion I despised the most? Why did my mother turned out to be a cold hearted murder? How can she kill her own blood??

All of these questions kept running through my frightened and troubled mind. I honestly didn't know what was going on these days.  I was like a zombie. I couldn't feel or think.

I went to work, came back and just slept on the couch, staring ahead. Some days, I fought the urge to just break down and sob like a baby.

I was just tired. Tired of people letting me down. Tired of all these emotions trapped inside of me. I wanted them gone.  I had no way to vent them out.

I tried holding them back because I couldn't get weak in front of people.

Especially Saabira.

I didn't want them to know that I was suffering inside. I didn't want their pity. I had hated pity all my life. It was the one emotion guaranteed to make me angry. I didn't want their sympathy, empathy, or anything to that nature. I just want to be left alone.

And the more I read that stupid book, the more confused I got. So I stopped reading it for a while but... It didn't feel right. whenever I read it... Things just felt more peaceful and that was the problem.

I didn't know where this was going and I was scared.

"James get it together." I whisper to no one in particular, gathering the files I was working on. It was almost time to go and I didn't want to stay any longer in this depressing place.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in"

Saabira stuck her head out of the door.

"It's almost time to go, I was wondering if you had the papers done." She asks.

"Yah here." I get up and hand her the papers, not bothering to look at her. She hasn't been looking great these days too. She has been quite and only talked to me when she needed something.

I should have felt happy but I didn't. I missed our stupid petty arguments. I missed her unique laugh and her smile.

I missed her.

  This place turned to be a dark depressing place with many hidden secrets. I wouldn't mind quitting but I needed the money.

  "Hey, you okay?"

I look up and saw her staring at me in concern.

What the hell was she still doing here? I thought she was gone by now.

"I'm fine."

"You haven't been yourself these days.." She trailed off.

And why did she care? Doesn't she hate me?

"Don't worry about me." I say gruffly, grabbing my jacket and brushing past her to the door.

"You're not the only one who misses her." I heard her say quietly.